22 Men From The Internet

A Brief Summary of One Year of Online Dating

Originally published on onbeingalady.blogspot.com in November of 2014

Also From Vermont Guy (Ethan? No…I think I’m thinking of Ethan Allen. Not all men from Vermont are named Ethan)
Beard Guy (Possibly Justin?)
Guy Who Thought I Was Racist Because of An Unfortunately Phrased “What Kind of Hispanic?” Comment 
 Guy Who Was So Bland I Forgot his Name Immediately

These are the names-the actual names- of the men that I have met via either Ok Cupid or Tinder between November of 2013 and October of 2014. Technically I’m about a month shy of a year since I first signed up for OKcupid but I think 22 is a nice round number and I have my reasons to cool it for a while anyway. It’s been a fun, informative and sublimely exhausting exercise.

I want to be clear that I haven’t been dating madly because I want to find a boyfriend, or because I need male attention in order to feel good about myself. I also want to be clear that this wasn’t just an experiment- I was always open to any outcome and when something seemed promising I focused on it. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular but I didn’t make any rules for myself. These are all real people and a few of them I’ve come to care about in a very real way so I don’t mean to be flippant about that.

The facts:
*10 I saw once and will never see or speak to again.
*6 are my friends on Facebook.
^ of that 6, 3 are people who I will likely never see or speak to again in any direct fashion but whom I mostly hold in medium to high esteem.
*3 are people that I can comfortably refer to as friends.
*3 from the list are people that I am not Facebook friends with, but whom I could text if I wanted to and expect some kind of response.

*1 I still text/gchat regularly but whether or not I will ever see him again is, apparently, some kind of ancient riddle for which I do not have the proper ciphers. I’m working on it (as I mentioned- EXHAUSTING).

Prying minds will inquire how many of these people I have slept with. The answer is less than most of them. As a guideline, take whatever you think the number might be and subtract from that the number of times you’ve seen me in public in either sweatpants or pajamas since 2010. If you don’t know me well enough to answer the second question then my vaginal intake probably shouldn’t be one of your top concerns.

These 22 fine gentlemen have yielded the following highlights:

The only really good New Years Eve I’ve ever had.
4 Truly Awful dates. I cherish them.
2 Stunningly mediocre dates that we both quietly pretended did not happen afterwards
1 very decent date with someone who was just too hard to schedule around
1 date that I thought went very well, which I ruined immediately by pushing to schedule the next one the way a pain med addict pushes a doctor to prescribe
3 casual meetings that I hesitate to even call dates
1 broken phone
2 almost-relationships which never quite materialized; probably because I’m a sociopath who treats her own dating life like an episode of Planet Earth.
1 kickass sex trophy sweatshirt . Basically I had sex with someone and then he gave me an awesome red sweatshirt (in a thoughtful way not a “I exchanged sex for a sweatshirt” kind of way) and it was a delightful experience.
3 Different dates with 3 different people at the Alligator Lounge in Brooklyn
 Added bonus **it turns out that two of the people on this list know each other, but only one of them knows that, and only one is my Facebook friend, and the one who is my Facebook friend isn’t the one who knows**

There is a certain stigma surrounding online dating, but I’m not great at making a first impression I’m a slow warmer in both directions- (more on this here: https://medium.com/@emmasklar/anatomy-of-an-online-dater-or-a-year-of-tiny-catastrophes-in-new-york-city-1ad092e7ba25)

I would have had maybe 10% of the experiences I’ve had if I hadn’t opted to explore this option. Its just another way to meet people, and it’s one that seems to suit me. As I’ve stated before, I don’t know what my love life “working out” is going to look like for me, but I feel genuinely lucky to have met the people I’ve met.