The relationship I have with myself is the most important relationship that I have. The relationship I have with myself impacts every other relationship that I have. In other words the way that I interact within relationships is a reflection of my relationship with myself.
A few days ago I was journaling (my favorite!!) after listening to a relaxing guided meditation. I titled my journal entry “Listen to Yourself” because while I was journaling I was reminded of the importance of showing empathy to myself.
To summarize my journal entry, while I was meditating a thought came to my mind “that is often not relaxing (or not a thought that often comes to me when I’m relaxing).” However, I realized that I was able to have a completely different perspective and experience of this thought than usual.
Lately, I’ve been able to really slow down and reflect a lot. I’ve learned so much, like the importance of listening to myself and showing empathy to myself.
When I empathize with myself, it means that I acknowledge my needs and work to get them met.
A lot of times it’s uncomfortable for me to acknowledge my needs because I get antsy. I get antsy because my thoughts about my needs are often critical, judgmental and harsh.
It’s uncomfortable to shame yourself. It causes me to become angry.
Now that you’ve gotten a glimpse of my self talk, imagine how much more peaceful it is for me to empathize with myself.
In the moment that I previously mentioned, instead of feeling shame, I felt safe.
I was able to be curious, understanding, kind and accepting of myself and my needs.
Curiosity
Being curious towards myself allows me to feel safe enough to unpack and discover. Being judgmental prevents education and growth. Being curious towards myself means asking genuine questions in hopes of understanding. Like “Why does that upset me” or “What is it that I need?”
Understanding
Seeking to find meaning and value in whatever is discovered allows me to see its beauty. Being critical towards myself inhibits patience. Seeking to find meaning and value means that instead of trying to change something I observe and learn.
Kindness
It’s so easy to be unkind to myself. It’s so easy to feel ashamed. Intentionally extending kindness to myself is so very healing and encouraging. When I am harsh toward myself it’s discouraging and hinders the development of a safe space for myself. Being kind to myself means using encouraging self talk and giving myself the opportunity to be.
Acceptance
Nobody can love me the way that I love me. Accepting myself means being content with who I am. Failing to accept myself robs me of the opportunity to cherish this gift called life. Learning to love myself has taken intentionality because as I mentioned earlier it’s so easy to be unkind to myself. Learning to love myself requires patience!
Practicing curiosity, understanding, kindness and acceptance when it comes to the relationship I have with myself has expedited this process of healing. Not that I am in any rush at all because healing can take a lifetime. Maybe, the process of healing has not only been expedited but became more efficient.
The healing process loses its effectiveness or takes much longer if I fail to use the right tools. I’ve learned that things go well when I refrain from imposing and instead listen. It was very different and a little difficult at first to make the switch but with practice it has become a lot more natural.
In this fast paced world we could use a lot more patience. Take some time to slow down and really listen to yourself even if it’s just for a few minutes.
