19 Oct 2015: Energy
I feel more tired than ever in my life. I find myself wanting to do nothing but sleep and keep my mind completely clear, considering my exhaustion not only stems from my lack of sleep, but also from my mental limits being stretched to their utmost point.
I can complain about work hours, school, or anything to get out of admitting that I am the sole reason that my body is about to drop to the floor. Interestingly enough, my mind is so tired from my constant energy use, and the majority of the time, it’s over something that I cannot control — things that others do affect me so much that I lose sleep over the most ridiculous, insignificant slights.
Am I the only human who feels this way? I tell myself that I am capable of controlling my own actions and recognizing when things are out of my zone of influence, and then I end up crying when someone is not nice to me. At the drop of a hat, my mind begins racing with the question of what I did to this person to make them react this way. I’m fucking five years old.
I’ve realized that if I keep up my habits of people pleasing and sensitivity, I will not be able to function. I’m expending so much time and energy securing happiness for others that mine has escaped me completely. I could spend (and have spent) hours upsetting myself over something someone said or did, all the while they have moved on from the notion altogether.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I know, I’m not the ONLY person who has heard this phrase that insinuates exactly the opposite of how I’ve been thinking: you control your feelings, not anyone else. The wisecrack, petty input from your coworker who hates their life should NOT be the base of your attitude towards the day. Though it’s hard to ignore the comments from people you’re around regularly, try to understand that no one can upset you — only YOU can upset you.
Though I sound rather preachy, mastering the concept (myself included) will drastically change your life. Taking control of not only your life, but also your feelings ABOUT your life, will create a world of difference for your self-esteem. Especially for us ladies who struggle endlessly with our self-image and self-worth, we must embrace the fact that we are the ones who choose happiness, sadness, anger, etc. Though the phrases “you/he/she made me cry/laugh/sad/mad” are a significant part of our vocabulary, when it comes to your feelings, at the end of the day, we choose how we feel/think/act. Don’t underestimate your control and allow yourself to think someone else “forced” feelings upon you; it’s simply not possible.