This is Nate Donegan. My husband's best friend. My dear friend. My brother. My twin flame.

For those of you in Knoxville, you might know Nate from his music--playing bass with Hyfantis and the Bishop's Band, Christabel and the Jons, Marble City Shooters, Joey Pierce, Chris Mathien and others. You might know him from classes at UT, or maybe Bonnaroo or Phish shows. You might know him from indoor soccer games or the trails at Ijams. You might have seen him riding his bike around 4th and Gill, having a beer at Barley's. He may have delivered food to your house or sold you hotdogs at a Vols game. Funny how many people we pass by each day, never even knowing their names, but they're everything to someone.

Monday March 26 2018 marks one year since I said all the things I'd never said. 12 months since I made the hour long drive in desperate silence to go see him in his hospital bed. 52 weeks since I read to him from No Death, No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh. 365 days since I chanted Om Asatoma for his upcoming journey. 8760 hours since I held his hand and sobbed into his bedsheets. 525, 600 minutes since I saw the last fighting spark of communication in his eyes. 31, 536, 000 seconds since I kissed his face and said goodbye for the last time. Every single tiny detail is forever etched into my soul. I wonder if it will ever fade...

The last year has been a lonely one for sure. My husband and I have both had many moments when we started to pick up the phone to call him before realizing we couldn't. I still cannot remove his name from my contacts list, though I know his number surely belongs to someone else by now. I'm still awaiting a call from beyond...

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