I’m Not Cold, You’re Just Too Needy: The Myth of ‘Too Guarded’ Women

Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not cold. I’m not heartless. I’m not bitter. I’m just not here to play therapist, life coach, or emotional chew toy for anyone who confuses availability with affection.

You say I’m too guarded? Cool story. But let’s unpack that. Because what you really mean is: I didn’t get what I wanted from you, and now I’m going to slap a personality diagnosis on you to feel better about it.

Here’s the truth most people won’t say out loud — women who have standards, boundaries, and a working bullshit detector often get labeled “cold.” Not because they are cold, but because they’ve stopped melting for everyone who brings a spark and no substance.

I don’t owe anyone my softness on sight. That’s earned. That’s not some “prove you’re worthy” game — it’s self-preservation. You don’t walk into a bank demanding the vault be wide open before you’ve even verified your ID. So why is my emotional safety suddenly up for grabs because someone swiped right and sent two memes?

I’ve had people call me distant just because I didn’t trauma dump on the first date. I’ve been told I’m “hard to read” because I didn’t hand over my deepest fears like I’m on an Oprah special. I’m sorry, were we not just discussing appetizers?