Do the next right thing.

It’s as simple as that.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with me when I say 2020 has brought a magnitude of unforeseen challenges.

Back in January, we went through an exercise at work where we wrote a vision for 2020 from the perspective that the year had already happened and it was January 2021 (which ironically is probably when we’ll be back in the office). The purpose was to envision how the year transpired both personally and professionally —goals, events, trips, relationships. We shared these with our immediate team as a means to support each other and hold each other accountable.

Spoiler alert, not one of us envisioned a global pandemic.

Looking back at the vision I had written for myself, I can’t help but feel an aching sense of loss and grief. This isn’t anyone’s 2020 vision, but this is the 2020 we got.

If I had to boil down the past few months into one word it would be loss. Perhaps this is partially coming from a place of privilege — most of us have had the luxury to plan months or years ahead under the assumption that those plans would come to fruition with expectations of precisely what would happen. But the pandemic doesn’t give a shit about our plans.

I recently lost my grandfather on May 9th. He lived a long, extraordinary life and was the epicenter of our family residing in all corners of the nation. We didn’t lose him physically to COVID, but the experience was lost to COVID. Our lives unfortunately haven’t been put on pause while this whole mess gets sorted out. And that sucks.

Although the loss of a loved one holds an extraordinary magnitude over our lives, it’s not the physical loss that I‘m really getting at here. No, it’s more elusive. It’s the loss of the vision we had of what that person’s passing would be. It’s the loss of being surrounded by the whole extended family in one room in that moment, it’s celebrating their life in a timely manner, it’s getting to cry with and hug everyone you love.

Not only are we mourning the loss of a loved one, but also mourning those hard but healing moments we expect and need but will not get.

Maybe the loss of a loved one isn’t your loss at all. Maybe it’s the loss of a job, the loss of a promotion, the rescheduling of a wedding, a trip or visit from family, a graduation ceremony. For all of us, it’s the loss of a certain sense of freedom and mobility. The freedom to live our lives as we once envisioned. It’s all of the moments and memories we were expecting and craving for ourselves and loved ones.

So what, Emma? Yeah we’ve all lost something and this is depressing. What’s your point?

Well, that’s my point exactly. We’ve all lost something. All of us. We’ve experienced loss in ways we’ve never come close to imagining. We’ve never had to have the foresight to consider how to navigate through these losses.

For this, my answer is do the next right thing.

Do the what?

When your loss is overwhelming and you feel buried in a tidal wave of emotion — do the next right thing.

Is that giving yourself the permission to feel and cry? Do it.

Is that calling a loved one? Do it.

Is that burying yourself in a job search? Do it.

Is that literally just taking a shower for the first time in 4 days? Do it.

Is that getting a puppy? Uh, maybe do it.

Whatever it is, just do the next right thing. And don’t overthink it (unless it’s a puppy then definitely overthink it). If you keep doing the next right thing, you might just find yourself on the other side.

As I sit here on my balcony in Austin — coffee on one side and new puppy on the other (yes, I did the puppy thing and hey, it was my next right thing); I’m overwhelmed with empathy and compassion for those missing loved ones both near and far on this Mother’s Day. My own mom and sister were supposed to be with me in Austin today. So, I’m not sure what my next right thing is going to be. But, I think it should be the shower.

*I don’t support or recommend emotionally purchasing an animal. Try a tie-dye sweatsuit instead.