350 things that successful entrepreneurs do every morning.

Struggling with #MondayMotivation? Are you feeling like you haven’t reached your peek yet? Do you want to know the secrets to the productivity hacks of the best? Well my fellow entrepreneur, founder, writer, worker — you have come to the right place. Follow these tips, and in no time, you will create the one thing that differentiates peasants from geniuses — a morning routine.

The following morning routine has proven to:

  • Increase levels of productivity
  • Enhance the lifespan of your bank account
  • Reduce body fat level around the stomach by 25%
  • Increase sex drive
  • Decrease armpit odor levels

1. Waking up

You want to make sure you wake up 1 hour after the time you are supposed to be at work. So if your work day starts at 9.00 AM, ensure you wake up at 10.00 AM. This will boost your adrenaline levels, and will put your brain in to a mode, that researchers at the National University of Distance Education in Spain call ‘Fast paced thinking”. This is proven to instantly boost your concentration and multitasking skills right off the bat.

2. Increase your mindfulness

Upon waking up, even though that you are an hour late for work, you need to remember that you want to be an entrepreneur, and that life’s mainstream “Be on time for work” rules don’t apply to you. This is the perfect time to achieve mindfulness via techniques such as meditation. Meditate for 10 minutes, with a mini break every 30 seconds to answer your friend’s text on your phone.

3. Fuel your body

After you have just spend quality time meditating, it is time to fuel your body in the correct way. Researchers at RWTH Aachen University say that you need PRECISELY 30g of natural protein in your body. Remember, if you consume 1g less or more protein in the morning, you are destined to bankrupt, your productivity levels will instantly go down, and you will never be a powerful leader. My approach is consuming 5 snickers bars. One bar has 6g of protein, so 5 bars deliver the perfect entrepreneur amount.

4. Do some light exercise

It is now 11.00 and you are two hours late for work, but haven’t left the house yet. That’s ok, because you want to have a startup, and that desire justifies every action that you do from now until the rest of your life. Fuck the 9.00–17.00 life, you are made for greater things! It is the perfect time to do some exercise before leaving the house — research at the University Of National and Worldwide Economy has shown that exercise in the morning is literally the reason people like Bill Gates are successful in life. Look out, Silicon Valley, I’m coming for you!

67. Outline your goals

Pull out your My Little Pony diary and start writing down your goals for the next 20 minutes, 2 hours, 20 hours, 2 days, 2 years. It is also helpful to write down do goals that your unborn child will have when it’s 20-something old. Did you know that Genghis Khan absolutely never left his tent if he didn’t write down his daily goals in his diary? Well now you know. Here’s a rough transcript of found pages of his lost diary:

“Monday, 10 March, 1200

Today I want to:

  • Kill at least 35 people
  • Burn 5 villages
  • Catch up on proper sword UX articles on Medium.
  • Write my blog post about 5 best rape practices”

1299. Read 3 books on your way to work. And listen to a podcast.

What do you mean you can’t read 3 books and listen to a 50 minute podcast during your 20 minute journey to work?

Conclusion

You need to understand that there is no way you will achieve anything in life, unless you follow these precise steps and do this morning routine every day of your life. It is literally the key to success. I hope that you have learned something today, and tomorrow, when you are eating your 5th snickers bar while you are doing squats in your living room, listening to a podcast, smile, because you just became better than 90% of humanity.