An Honest Family Vacation Email

Hey Smith Family!

I hope you’re all excited for the upcoming long weekend get-together. Long weekends are the perfect amount of time to spend with your family. It’s just long enough that you no longer feel guilty about not seeing each other since Christmas, and it’s just short enough that you can leave right as we start to get on each other’s nerves.

Just a reminder that we’re all staying in one place. Isn’t that great?! Besides saving on cost, there are SO many reasons why having everyone in your immediate family under one roof makes an amazing trip:

  • There’s always just enough rooms to fit everyone. With only two bedrooms having queen sized beds, it’s always fun to see which sibling’s family arrived to the house first to claim ownership of the best room. Everyone else is either sleeping in separate twin beds like a 1950s sitcom (how fun!) or going way back and sleeping in the one room with a bunkbed. Didn’t think you’d be doing that past the age of 12, did ya?
  • No one can agree on a good temperature for the house so it’s always a fun game of Who Touched The Thermostat Last? Make sure to bring layers of clothes because you’ll either be sweating in the middle of the night or wake up with frost covering your body. Either way, what an adventure!
  • And while we’re on air conditioning, it’s always fun to see which areas of the rental home it actually works in. Can’t wait to see who gets stuck in the room from hell that was a later addition to the house, so no actual venting goes to it. Don’t worry, we’ve brought plenty of loud and barely functioning fans to keep you cool.
  • The living room is HUGE and has a TV so we’ll have plenty of boring stuff to watch. Because no one wants to watch what they normally do at home while their siblings and parents are around. Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, and Homeland just aren’t as fun when you’re cringing in awkwardness for 70% of the show. Don’t worry, we’ll leave it on Food Network as it’s the only channel we can all watch without feeling guilty about.
  • No need for alarm clocks. Who can sleep in when 8 other people in the house are walking (or stomping) around and somehow using every dish in the house to make breakfast while opening and closing every cabinet drawer? You’ll be up early to catch that amazing sun rise.
  • There are three showers in the place, two of which are the exact height so the water hits just below your hairline. Washing your hair is now both uncomfortable AND difficult. But don’t worry, you won’t be in there long because all the hot water will be used up after the first two people anyways.

I can’t wait to show you the local restaurants in the quaint downtown. You know, the ones that are always packed. And since we didn’t make any reservations, we might get to eat dinner at 11pm when a table for 15 is finally available.

While we wait for our seats, we’ll peruse the many shops that sell just the cutest stuff! It’s so exciting to see if you can make it through without having a heart attack as your toddlers continually touch and almost break everything.

Get your game face on! I’m also bringing plenty of board games. I’ve got three types:

  • Board games that are missing half the pieces.
  • Board games that are the most fun with four people. So when 10 want to play, it becomes weird and tedious.
  • Super advanced board games that my co-workers and I love to play that only require two hours of set-up and an hour of explaining the rules.

I can’t wait to see which family members get in a heated argument over the rules of a game and end up barely talking the rest of the trip.

Speaking of debates, since this is an election year, there’s going to be plenty of great arguments amongst family members. Nothing goes with a day at the beach like a night arguing over health care.

Can’t wait to see you all. Oh, and one last thing, there’s plenty of room in the fridge for beer and alcohol. Bring extra because you know I’ll drink the stuff you bring instead of my own.