A Trip to CVS: ‘Serial’, Bergdahl & Startup Burnout

Sarah Koenig, host of the Serial podcast, is talking in my ears about Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, who currently stands accused of endangering U.S. troops when he upped and walked away from his post in Afghanistan in 2009. This episode — S02 Episode 06: 5 O’Clock Shadow–has, as of this writing, helped assure Koenig’s smash-hit stay at Number 1 on Top Charts — along with a solid 4.5-star average from 5,804 reviewers.

Keeping in line with the tone of the second season, ‘5 O’Clock Shadow’, as told by Koenig — with the help of pieced together Q&A’s with the show’s subjects (including Sgt. Berdahl) — continues to tease listeners, constantly suggesting there is more to this case than meets the eye.

Clearly.

When Bergdahl abandoned his post in 2009, he set off a DUSTWUN (code for, duty status — whereabouts unknown). His plan [SPOILER #] was, quite simply, to walk away. And in doing so, he triggered a nearly two-month-long search.

[For more, here’s a full synopsis by The Guardian’s Melissa Locker]

Bergdahl faces a possible life sentence if convicted. Painted in the media as a loner among his troops, the not-so-menacing Bergdahl is also described by one soldier in a statement read by Koenig as a “great”, “hardworking”, “squared-away” soldier. But prior to his flight through Afghanistan on foot, Bergdahl had reportedly grown more and more disillusioned by the War; his purpose in it; and openly questioned why such force, fear, secrecy, deception and other hardships of deployment in Afghanistan were necessary.

After a campaign into hostile territory with his fellow troops — which included a close call with multiple IED’s, a climb down a mountain and a run-in with Taliban forces, Bergdahl took exception to a superior officer’s insensitive comment: “What, you couldn’t shave?”

That, according to Bergdahl, was the first thing their platoon commander said to them after getting out alive. This lack of awareness by the platoon commander, Bergdahl said, made him feel as if he and fellow soldiers “weren’t in safe hands.

“This whole thing”, Bergdahl said, purportedly in reference to the War, “is stupid.”

Per the Guardian:

To figure out whether that is true, Koenig talked to Jason Dempsey, PhD and former infantryman who was in Afghanistan at the same time as Bergdahl. His take is that the army never really committed to the concept of fostering goodwill or rebuilding Afghanistan….The reality is they are fighting their struggle, we’re fighting ours and we never bothered to say, ‘OK do these two actually overlap?’” Dempsey said.

A CIA operative named Bill Murray (not that Bill Murray) felt the same way saying that there was no real point in rebuilding Afghanistan or restructuring their society, instead they should just “tell them you want to get Bin Laden and get out”. Military leadership didn’t buy it, though. They wanted more money and more men, according to Koenig.

This is an over-simplification for runtime purposes: Bowe Bergdah, based on Serial’s audio clips, sounds like a burnt-out startup employee.

In #12 ‘Burnout’ of Gimlet’s StartUp Podcast — “A show about what it’s really like starting a company” — the show’s host leads by comparing the startup struggle to the difference between running for president and being president. The host (sorry, I’ll try to remember to add his name — groovin’ at the mo’) continues:

In the beginning, it’s all about convincing people — that this dream you have, is real. But then, if you’ve been successful, pretty much overnight, everything changes…Everything [day-to-day roles] transformed.

This episode’s hook, “is all about that shift” — from an undiscovered startup to real life business — “and how, if you don’t manage it well, things can reach a breaking point more quickly than you could imagine.”

The context for the episode, as described by Gimlet’s Lisa Chow, who documented the decline of the startup’s morale, is: After a particularly rough stretch of long hours with an “already lean team” around the holidays, Gimlet employees were starting to crack. And, after Chow’s colleague P.J. had “essentially pulled an all-nighter”, she interviewed him (while he was in the process of finishing up his own show and trying to cram in other work he theoretically could’ve been doing).

PJ tells Chow:

I got home at like four forty-five. My neighbors — I’m supposed to be the one who shovels the sidewalks, and…and, I had to buy socks and a shovel — but none of the stores were open at four forty-five. So I poured all my table salt on t’da stairs, and then kicked all the snow off my feet.

During his interview, PJ is interrupted by his cohost — something about a DropBox file — and can’t help but laugh at the dark comedy he seems to be living in. The file, PJ is told on the air, isn’t there; his cohost says he can’t find it. PJ, as if coming to terms with the end of days, asks: “Do you realize that I’m trying to tell you how bad things are, but we don’t have time to because things…haven’t…stopped being…bad [laughs].”

PJ goes on to say, he feels as if he’s filled “every pocket of time for more work” — and has proceeded to fill other pockets (time with friends, sleeping, being human, etc.) with more work. But when no more time can be devoted to work, PJ says, “I don’t know what I can break to make this work.”

At the time of the interview, PJ describes what sounds a hell of a lot like, in laypeople talk, too much fckin stress for one gawhtdamn person to handle. “I don’t know,” PJ says, “I’m fighting with more people….I don’t know what you want me to say — unless you’re sleeping next to me, we’re not hanging out.” In burnt-out-startup-employee style, what PJ is saying is: “My life is shyt. This is bullshyt.”

***

I’m at the counter now at the Davis Square CVS prescription drop-off window; I’m the only one. A long line of college age-looking kids has formed to my right, waiting at the pick-up window for their ‘scripts. I have a hunch we’re probably picking up similar medications. I’m prescribed 70mg of Vyvanse — a methamphetamine in the same class as the more widely-known ‘study drug’ Adderall — by my doctor for symptoms of Attention-Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder (ADHD), which are amplified by symptoms of earlier-diagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I slide the pharmacist behind the counter — she’s had to deal with me before — a hardcopy of my prescription, signed by my doctor and stamped with a “Do not fill until 2/4/2016” sign.

“I’m sorry,” the pharmacist says, “we’re actually not allowed to refill this until February 6th.”

“Huh?” I ask. “But the prescription says don’t fill before February 4th. Today is February 4th.”

The pharmacist sighs, as if to say, that’s what they all say. “I knoooww,” she says, but the last time we refilled this prescription was January 6. We’re not allowed to refill this medication before 30 days.”

“So, I’m being punished because I picked up my last prescription two days after my doctor wrote a note saying I could have it?”

The pharmacist, to her credit, manages a sympathetic — though, I’m sure, frequently used and well-practiced — tone, and even a laugh at the stupidity of the situation. “Yeaaahh, I know, I’m really sorry,” she says. I ask her, “what can I can do to prevent this sort of thing in the future?” I happened to be out in Davis and I thought I would run an errand; I don’t even need the refill until next week. But It’s the principal that bothers me/probably most people you’d find at a CVS on a rainy, cold night before a snowstorm in a college town.

“Since this drug is a NARCOTIC [emphasis mine, because she seemed to raise her voice a little bit/maybe I’m only being paranoid]”, the pharmacist says (again), “it’s illegal to refill the prescription before 30 days.”

I try to remain polite when I say, “Oh, alright, I understand.” But I can’t help myself: “Sorry,” I tell her, “it’s just weird because now it sounds like a drug deal.” There’s laughter from the line to my right; I’m not sure if it’s related to my comment or something else. The pharmacist, at least, managed a genuine laugh and apology, before reminding me to come in on Saturday.

— —

As someone who has (I’m self-diagnosing, here) probably experienced the same sort of burnout that infected Gimlet’s staff while I was churnin’ and burnin’ hashtagcontent at a Boston tech startup, I find myself relating to the earliermentioned PJ and Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl — not for the same exact reasons. In general, I get Bergdahl and PJ, because we all sound like we’re saying the same thing: poor leadership, poor communication, overwork, lack of self-awareness, crap pay, exhaustion and hopelessness can send people over the edge; into desperation mode.

Is a startup employee suffering from the stupidity that startups go through to reach the market the same as a lone U.S. soldier setting off an international manhunt in a war zone the same thing — of course not. But both PJ and Bergdahl sound equally as fed up with their respective situations.

The difference between them is, PJ — should he feel like it — has the choice to say, ‘FCK THE LEMONS’ and bail. Bergdahl did that, and now he faces a potential life sentence. And according to a New York Times article, dated Sept. 15, Bergdahl’s best chance at a not guilty verdict is to play the mental illness card. NYT’s Richard A. Oppel Jr. reports:

The diagnosis [“a severe mental disease or defect”] was made later by an independent Army psychiatry board, said the defense lawyer, Lt. Col. Franklin D. Rosenblatt of the Army. Because of his psychological problems, Sergeant Bergdahl washed out of Coast Guard basic training three years earlier, Colonel Rosenblatt said, and had to obtain a waiver to join the Army.

Is Bergdahl mentally ill? According to his defense team, he is indeed. And that’s why he fled his post on foot, because he’s crazy. Maybe he is; after all, as someone who has never held anything more deadly than a paintball gun, the thought to moseying off into Afghanistan in secret to prove that “one man can make a difference” sounds insane. But the way Bergdahl talks about his fellow soldiers — their roles, their conditions and their treatment — it’s hard to imagine that the only thing that may keep this man out of jail for the rest of his life is do admit that only a mentally ill person would crack under the pressures of war; only a mentally ill person would attempt to protest something s/he feels is unjust in the middle of a war, and put other lives in danger.

—

Note to self: idea for the third season of Serial: “CVS is the least efficient ‘Narcotics’ distributor, according to people who find it easier to find a random weed guy than drop-off their legal drug bottle for a refill on the day they’re supposed to.”

It’s a working title, but I think it’s got hashtag LEGS.