My Journey to Find Normalcy, Amidst Loss
Hey there,
It’s Atulya, and I want to share something personal with you. You see, life has a way of blending contrasting shades, and lately, I find myself immersed in a whirlwind of emotions. I’m a data engineer by day, juggling numbers and codes, but beneath that facade, I carry the heart of an artist. Painting, sketching, and creating have always been my escape, my way of expressing the colours of my soul.
But recently, my canvas has been splashed with hues of grief. On that day, June 20, 2023, my world took a heartbreaking turn when I lost my beloved father. He was more than a parent; he was my guiding light, my confidant, and my hero. The realization that he’s gone still feels like a surreal dream, one I wish I could wake up from.
Finding Strength in Memories
He was a remarkable man, someone who knew the magic of learning and mastering various skills. As I look back on the memories we shared, I realize that he was good at everything he set his mind to.
From the early days of my childhood, I watched in awe as my father effortlessly dabbled in different art forms and crafts. Whether it was painting, woodworking, playing musical instruments, or engineering, he had an innate talent for it all. He believed that life was an adventure, and each skill he acquired was a brushstroke on the canvas of his experiences.
One of the most incredible things about my father was his unwavering curiosity. He was never afraid to dive into something new, to explore uncharted territories. Watching him fearlessly learn and grow, I learned that creativity wasn’t just about the end result; it was about the joy of the journey.
As I grew older, my father became not just my teacher but also my inspiration. He instilled in me the belief that I, too, could conquer any art form or skill I set my heart on. He taught me that creativity wasn’t limited to traditional forms of art but could be found in every aspect of life.
A Glimpse of Normalcy
I know I’m alone in my grief, but sometimes, it feels like I’m drifting in an ocean of emotions with no shore in sight. To the outside world, I try to put on a brave face, to be the Atulya everyone knows, but within, there’s a storm raging. When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I can’t help but miss him so much. His laughter, his warm smile, and his reassuring presence — they’re all etched in my heart.
People say time heals all wounds, but right now, it feels like my heart is a canvas soaked in tears. I try to be normal, to go about my day as if nothing has changed, but grief has a way of colouring every moment. I wish I could do so much more for him, and repay all the love and sacrifices he made for our family. But now, all I have are memories — beautiful and painful at the same time.
In the midst of this storm, I find refuge in my art. With each brushstroke, I pour my emotions onto the canvas. The colours swirl and blend, just like the emotions in my heart. Art becomes my therapy, my way of grieving and healing simultaneously. In the strokes, I find a piece of my father’s spirit, guiding my hand and soothing my soul.
I’m learning that there’s no defined path to normalcy after loss. It’s a journey of ups and downs, of discovering strength in moments of vulnerability. I find solace in the memories we shared — in photographs that capture his smile and letters that hold his words of wisdom.
And so, I continue to paint my canvas of life, embracing the interplay of light and shadow. Each day, I blend my grief with gratitude, and sorrow with strength. I know I can’t change the past, but I can paint a new future, one that carries the essence of my father’s love.
As the sun sets on another day, I find comfort in knowing that his love will forever remain a part of my masterpiece. I may not be “normal” in the traditional sense, but I’m learning to redefine normalcy in my own way.
In this journey of grief and healing, I discover that my heart is my greatest work of art. And just like the artistry within me, I will find the courage to paint my own sunrise, one stroke at a time.
I want to remind you that creativity is not just a skill; it’s a mindset. It’s about embracing curiosity, fearlessly learning, and finding beauty in the unexpected. Let us all carry forward the creative spirit of our loved ones and use it to paint the canvas of our lives with love, joy, and endless possibilities.
With love,
