Your friend the Thin Man is such a coward that he blocked me without even giving me a chance to reply. That’s what you do when you know you can’t challenge the other person’s arguments, and have none of your own, other than insults and prejudiced notions.
So anyway, if you genuinely want to know the answers to the questions you asked, read ahead. And feel free to reply if you’re willing to have a rational conversation/debate. So let me address your points one by one.
What I don’t understand is that if they are “attracted to kids but don’t act on it” why they don’t just keep their fantasy life to themselves and their therapists?
It’s very simple. No one gets to choose what or who they’re sexually attracted to. It’s something one discovers, typically around puberty. And some of us are unfortunate enough to one day discover — in horror — that we were sexually attracted to children.
You can think of pedophilia as a sexual orientation (as is the most current scientific consensus), or as a mental disorder, pick your poison. Neither of them (sexual orientations or mental disorders) are chosen, so it’s pretty much irrelevant. If you think of it as a mental disorder, I’ll just remind you that homosexuality was also considered a mental disorder not that long ago. Also, the one and only symptom of this ‘disorder’ is being attracted to children. Nothing else. It doesn’t affect us in any other way. I doesn’t impair our ability to know right from wrong, or to control our actions at all times.
And it’s because of this that most of us acknowledge that it is not OK to have sex with children, mainly because they’re too young and not mature enough to understand and provide meaningful consent. So I actually agree with you and the vast majority of society and since we have no desire to harm anyone we choose to never act on our attractions with a child. It really is that simple.
As for “why don’t we keep it to ourselves and our therapists”, I’d really love to. But, you see, me and everyone like me are constantly demonized and vilified simply for being what we are, something that we didn’t choose and didn’t change. We are all assumed to be monsters, perverts who prey on children, or ticking time bombs that will eventually molest a child. So we grow up since a young age (pedophilia is no different than any other orientation and we most often become aware during puberty) receiving messages from society saying that we’re monsters, the scum or the earth, and that we deserve to be put down regardless of whether we have ever harmed anyone or not.
This makes people grow up feeling desperate, depressed, suicidal… to the point where many — too many — young teenagers discovering their sexual orientation actually commit suicide. Are you honestly going to tell me that is fair?
You also talk about therapists. One thing you have to ask yourself is, what do you think we need therapy for? If you think we need therapy to get ‘cured’, or in order to control our actions and not molest children, you’re wrong. Pedophilia — like any other sexual orientation — cannot be ‘cured’, and none of us need help to know what’s right and what’s wrong. What we often need therapy for is to be able to accept ourselves and overcome the self-hatred resulting from internalizing the messages that I talked about earlier. If you’re genuinely interested in how pedophiles can be ‘helped’, I encourage you to read this:
In this post I also address the topic of mandatory reporting resulting from stigma and prejudice that actually keeps those pedophiles that most need the help away from it.
In closing this point, the “keep it to yourselves” argument is just an attempt to shut down any rational conversation about a topic that makes you uncomfortable. No social problem has ever been solved by not talking about it.
Do they really think they will find sympathy among reasonable adults?
Actually, yes. All reasonable adults should be able to sympathize with people that through no choice of their own are put into a terrible situation and do the best they can to play the cards they’ve been dealt with without harming anyone in the process. And if you ask any expert in child sexual abuse prevention they will tell you that extending support to non-offending pedophiles — as opposed to continuing to demonize them and push them to the shadows — is one of the most effective ways to ensure that they seek whatever help they feel they need and they remain non-offending throughout their lives.
So yes, reasonable adults should sympathize with non-offending pedophiles, and should help fight the stigma that is keeping them away from the ‘help’ they so much desire that we get. Ending the stigma is the only solution, and people are starting to realize. Here are some examples of news articles highlighting the importance of this in recent years:
One cannot choose to not be a pedophile, but one can choose to not be a child molester. As details of the accusations…edition.cnn.com
I don't know Stephen Collins. Or his wife. Or their therapist. All three are embroiled in a child sexual abuse…time.com
The first time Max Weber made his way to Berlin to take part in a therapy session, he was so nervous he vomited on the…www.theguardian.com
Let me start by being really clear, that all child sexual abuse needs to be stopped. That includes everything: from…www.huffingtonpost.co.uk
Pedophiles don't get a pass for their sins. But James Cantor's controversial research could explain why they do what…thewalrus.ca
So as you can see, plenty of reasonable adults are sympathetic.
I don’t try to normalize it as something I’d do if it wasn’t illegal. (*retch*)
Oh my, you had to use that word, right? Here’s what I have to say about your idea that I’m trying to ‘normalize’ anything:
As for the “I’d do it if it wasn’t illegal”, that once again is just a prejudiced assumption on your part. The reason I do not have sex with children is not because it’s illegal or because I’d be afraid to go to jail. It’s because I fundamentally agree that children are unable to provide meaningful consent to a sexual relationship with an adult and therefore the risk of harm in such relationships is very high, combined with the fact that I’m actually a good person and the last thing I’d want to do is cause anyone harm, let alone the people I am attracted to and love. So no, even if it was legal I would still not have sex with children.
And in all of this I haven’t even mentioned the fact that the vast majority of child sexual offenders are not pedophiles. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s something that is acknowledged and understood by law enforcement, researchers and child sexual abuse prevention advocates. They’re what’s called situational offenders, and they sexually abuse children for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to children — the definition of pedophilia. And according to some studies they constitute up to 80–85% of all child sexual offenders, meaning that pedophiles only account for 15–20% of child sexual offenders but are blamed for 100% of the crimes of child sexual abuse. For an in-depth analysis citing major scientific and law enforcement sources, please read:
As I’ve said multiple times in many of my posts, the terms pedophile and child molester are often indistinguishable in…medium.com
I wonder if you will have taken the time to read up to this point, and if you have at least clicked on and skimmed the different links and sources I have provided. If you have, and there is something you really want to discuss in a rational way, I’m happy to continue this conversation.