10 Signs Your Roommate is Trying to Kill You

A true passive aggressive list. (and maybe a true story)

1. The barista by day insists on putting knives blade up in the dishwasher, closest to the opening.
2. Zero effort to cover any blood related waste in the bathroom; no matter what kind. Oh hey unsightly biohazard mess.
3. Drinking all of your coffee and eating your food without permission so starving becomes the possible cause of your impending headaches and death.
4. Generates a full family size bag of trash daily, complete with the food you could have been eating. Killing trees must serve instant gratification.
5. Offering you, your wasted food then, aka poison.
6. Zero sanitation. “How do you make a bed/clean the toilet/clean well….anything?” (Circumstances being roommate is not your child).
7. Invites strangers, yes real strangers, over on a regular basis.

8. Using the bathroom with the door open to ensure your compromised vision.

9. On shared errands navigation skills are only late and accident worthy in a car.

10. You, “could kill your roommate.”