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When American journalist Pamela Druckerman has a baby in Paris, she doesn’t aspire to become a “French parent.” Yet, the French children Druckerman knows sleep through the night at two or three months old. And while her American friends spend their visits resolving spats between their kids, her French friends sip coffee while the kids play.
Motherhood itself is a whole different experience in France. French mothers assume that even good parents aren’t at the constant service of their children and they have an easy, calm authority with their kids that Druckerman can only envy. Of course, French parenting wouldn’t be worth talking abou
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Book ID Asin: 0449806979
Book Title: Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Book Author: Pamela Druckerman,Abby Craden
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Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman,Abby Craden Book Review
Name: Kara
Rating: 3.0 out of 5 stars
Title: We Get It, You’re Middle Class
Date: Reviewed in the United States on October 20, 2017
Review: I lived in France for year and had already been introduced to the books, French Women Don’t Get Fat and French Kids Eat Everything so I was already a bit biased towards French culture. I did notice during my time in France that kids would sit in bars drinking milk or juice while mothers and fathers had wine and in general the kids seemed calm and even tempered. That said, I think the book offers one perspective on some of the differences between French and American children and why. I found it to be an interesting read. Her writing style is light, conversational which makes for an easy read. My big issue with the book is that she emphasizes in nearly every chapter, multiple times that she is middle class and that she is talking and gathering opinions from middle class parents. The few times it was mentioned, I just assumed it was frame to help the reader understand the groups she spoke with but she reemphasized it repeatedly throughout the book and after some time it seemed like bragging or being condescending.
As well, I think she underestimated or played down some significant differences between parenting for women in France and the US. She noted the free children, free health insurance, education, etc. but that’s a big, big deal. There is no federally mandated, full-paid, maternity leave in the US. American mother’s are at the mercy of whatever their employer wants to offer and FMLA which only guarantees 2/3 of pay for 6 weeks. French mother’s get 3 full months, paid. Childcare is not free to American mothers those 6 FMLA weeks; a good daycare for an infant 5 days a week can easily cost $2k a month or more. French mother’s pay nothing more than their taxes for creche. There are not what’s sounds like an army of free options to help a mother breastfeed, retighten and whatever after delivery for American mothers and preschools aren’t necessarily free depending where you live, university isn’t free for much later, etc. etc. French mother’s have a lot of help.
I’m with the whole well-behaved child, and not turning yourself into a muppet just to be mother i.e. giving up adult life and adult language but perhaps it is a bit easier to be that type of mother and raise that type of child when there’s more state resources in a society that values and wants to protect motherhood rather than one that creates and obstacle course for women who want to be mothers and working professionals.
I actually really enjoyed the book and plan on trying some techniques from it, but I could’ve done without Druckerman’s classist, rose-colored “if only” take on motherhood, where she ignores hards truths and significant obstacles for American mothers.
Name: Jess C
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: Practical for the modern mom
Date: Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2018
Review: Loved this book! Probably one of my favorite reads during my pregnancy. It was refreshing to hear an outsider perspective on parenting and pregnancy that’s not the “American norm”.
I feel like there is a true benefit to looking at parenting through a more multi-cultural lens. There is so much new parents, and even experienced parents can learn from one another if we just step out of our cultural norms or bubbles.
This book is a great read because it’s written more like a story and less like a self help. As a new parent, I was devouring tons of baby books and it was so nice to read a book that wasn’t a set of guidelines and how-to’s… it was more of a guided story and look into someone’s world.
I’ve used a lot of the French philosophies of parenting in this book as soon as my child was born. The book helped me change my mentality in that I felt like I was more in control of how I could help my child adapt more easily to our world, such as, sleep through the night and eat nutritious foods. There is also a section in the book about baking a super simple cake with your toddler; what a crazy yet clever idea! Although I haven’t tried a full blown cake yet, I’ve allowed my 1.5 yr old help me in the kitchen with making pancakes and mixing ingredients when we bake. It has been a great bonding experience and learning experience for her so far and it’s incredibly fascinating to see your child develop and interest in these “adult” skills at such an early age.
Totally worth the read and very encouraging in putting confidence back in parenting in our day and age.
Name: Marie_dva
Rating: 3.0 out of 5 stars
Title: I wish that this (good) advice had been conveyed by a more progressive narrator
Date: Reviewed in the United States on February 12, 2021
Review: First of all, I agree very much with the idea that often, American children don’t learn impulse control because their parents immediately tend to their every (perceived) need. I hope that Druckerman’s advice to treat babies with respect, give them independence, and to let them first try to solve their own problems works in producing both well-balanced babies and parents.
However, in conveying this message she espouses some pretty outdated attitudes throughout the text. For one, the book is very normative as far as assuming that the reader is a woman married to a man who is the baby’s biological father. She also discusses several times that French women meticulously curb their pregnancy weight gain to stay hot for their husbands, without ever acknowledging how psychologically damaging pressure to be thin can be. She is amused by a friend who “still calls herself a feminist” and explicitly suggests that women shouldn’t mind doing more domestic work than their husbands.
Additionally, although she repeatedly clarifies that she’s talking about “middle class” women across the board — in France and the U.S. — I think that her understanding of what it is to be middle class is warped and that her perspective is elitist. For example, on p99 states, “Middle-class mothers in the United States generally aren’t fans of day care. The very words ‘day care’ conjure images of pedophiles and howling babies in dimly lit rooms.” The (not particularly fancy) day care in my neighborhood charges $2,000 per month! I feel lucky to be able to afford it — I didn’t even know that such judgement existed. She then goes on to discuss Park Slope pre-schools that cost “$15,000” per year as extreme examples of American over-parenting. That annual tuition is well below the cost of the average daycare that working parents would need most anywhere in the country. She didn’t raise her kids in the United States, so I don’t know why she’s speaking with authority on the constraints experienced by American parents.
I am glad that I read the book and will be taking many of its parenting lessons to heart. However, I wish that the book’s good advice had been delivered by a more progressive and informed narrator.
