Favoritism’s Best Friend
I grew up going to a camp every summer. And it’s sad to say but I experienced favoritism that definitely led to envy and jealousy. But, this isn’t something that just happens at christian camps. It actually is very evident in our daily lives. Whether it’s in school, work, camp, wherever — it exists and you can’t deny it. Looking back at it, favoritism hurt me and it effected the way I interacted with people. It definitely changes the focus of your entire week. Rather than desiring more of God, you desire acceptance from your counselors and your fellow campers.
But, the issue here isn’t favoritism. The issue is the result of favoritism. If you are not the one being favored, you are tempted with the feeling of envy and jealousy. Deep inside you know that you don’t need that person’s approval to be well-off or be accepted, but sometimes lies speak louder than truth. Jerry Bridges in Respectable Sins writes, “…we tend to envy those with whom we most closely identify. Second, we tend to envy in them the areas we value most” (149). When we begin to compare ourselves with those around us, the temptation of envy and jealousy rises. If the situation of comparison is provided for us, then we are more akin to envy and jealousy.
Acceptance is something everyone strives for, but teenagers tend to struggle with it the most. As they go through the stage of figuring out their identity and searching for answers, they begin to hunger for the acceptance of those around them. They want to be loved and they want others to recognize them. It is hard to avoid envy and jealousy when you see that your friend is receiving that love and recognition from others. In a recent article titled, “Why Pretty Girls Get Bullied,” psychologist Frank. T. McAndrew talks about the suicidal death of a girl who dealt with gossip, bullying, and much more. (if you have time, you should go read the entire article because it gives a great depiction of middle/high school life) The article walks through different situations in which girls are being bullied in school for their looks and their actions. McAndrew quotes Dr. Gail Gross: “It is important to note that not only are the weak targeted, but often a girl that is considered to be too pretty, too smart, too nice and therefore making the other girls feel inferior.” Situations as such is being created because of the hunger for acceptance. Teens are struggling with that everyday at school and unfortunately at camp because instead of guiding them away from their temptations, we are forcing them to face the situation through favoritism. Therefore, as we step into the season of prepping for our small groups and cabins, we need to begin praying for our hearts to love our campers equally. We are not to play favoritism and cause temptation within the hearts of those who came to seek the Lord.
In James 2:1–4, Paul writes, “My brothers, show no partiality as you hold faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, ‘You sit here in a good place,’ while you say to the poor man, ‘You stand over there,’ or ‘Sit down at my feet,’ have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?” I’m not saying here that you are playing favorites by their financial ability. But, I hope you see the point that I am trying to make. God doesn’t want favoritism nor does he support it. It will be break the relationship between not just you and your camper, but it will affect the relationship between the campers and most important the relationship between the camper and God. Therefore, this summer as your prepare to pour into the lives of campers, please be mindful to love them all equally. God has placed each and every one of them in your life for a reason. Love them and lead them to Christ. Show them the temptation of envy and jealousy can be overcome by the power of Christ. Share the love of Christ. Live the life that reflects it.
For additional resources on how to deal with favoritism, check this article out.