Dear Recruiters,

Since you lot seem to be both very eager to spam me and pretty out of touch with reality, let me clarify a few things.

  1. I do not live in New York City. Yes, I know my LinkedIn profile says “greater New York City area”. That’s because the entirety of New England is considered part of the “greater New York City area” by LinkedIn. I am not going to commute to New York City. I am not going to move to New York City. There is no benefit to tripling my rent in order to live in a broom closet and work for a hedge fund.
  2. Emailing me out of the blue is probably not going to work out very well for you. If I’ve heard of the company you represent, I probably either dislike them or suspect that you don’t actually represent them. If I haven’t, why would I care? I have a job right now, as you can see from my profile. Sending me more emails is also not going to help.
  3. What the hell makes you think I want to work in finance? Nothing about my profile mentions it. No, I don’t want to work in web design or for a startup either.
  4. If I receive an email from you, I figure odds are that you aren’t actually a recruiter, or aren’t actually representing whoever you claim to be representing. Why would a big company go trawling LinkedIn and emailing random junior developers who are already employed? If you want my attention, prove to me that you aren’t just a con artist. And do it in the subject line, because I’m not going to open your email.
  5. On second thought, maybe just stop? You’re wasting minutes of your time and seconds of mine.
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