The scientific way to alienate your best customers
Have you ever had to put up with bad service? Of course you have! It’s everywhere, from rude flight attendants to your restaurant waiter disappearing for hours, you have to deal with it constantly. Daily, even.
But as an American, you get used to having choices of who you do business with. Don’t like your doctor? There are hundreds of others to choose from. That restaurant? Plenty of other places to eat. It’s your money, spend it the way you want to.
Pick just about any product or service, and you probably have more choices of where to buy it than you know what to do with.
Internet providers? That isn’t one of them. Most cities you will have one, maybe two choices. Building out this service isn’t cheap, so only those with deep pockets can make a real dent. So you can either go without or pick one of those.
For most people, going without Internet service is not an option. It’s as necessary as a land line used to be. Cell phones, while improving, are a backup source (at best) when you’re at home, and not even considered if you do any type of streaming.
In Denver, the only game in town is fought over by two main providers: Comcast and CenturyLink. There are pockets where you have a few more choices, but not where I live.
But how bad could they really be? Let’s check them out.
A quick look on Yelp shows how most people think about their service:
Damn. This is their average rating. It takes work to be this bad. Reading through the reviews does not give you that warm-and-fuzzy feeling. But I press ahead.
Contrary to those ratings, I’ve actually always had good service from CenturyLink. Been a customer of theirs since they were US West, then Qwest. I was in dire need of an upgrade, and being an optimist, I thought that good luck would continue.
After all, their brochure is so big and glossy. Their TV ads have Paul Giamatti telling you about being a Hollywood Insider. I love that guy. I’m sold.
I started my mission by calling up one of the numbers on the massive postcard I got in the mail. Big, green and full of wonderful promises of high speed bliss at low prices, it’s tough to ignore. Put two of them together and you could also replace your umbrella when it rains.
So I pick up the phone. All I wanted to know was availability in my area, which apparently required a ‘personal access code’ that had been setup previously. I guessed every one I’ve ever used, one by one. No dice. Even though I wasn’t ordering and didn’t even want to ask any account-specific questions, that code was the gateway to the promised land.
No code, no information. Didn’t see that little tidbit in the brochure.
Undaunted, I planned a trip to one of their corporate stores to see what was available. I NEED the upgrade after all, and the store is a quick walk from my office.
Given my previous interaction, I did not have high hopes. Boy, was I in for a surprise. In that little store I found what has to be one of their best employees. Hell, one of the best I’ve dealt with anywhere. Let’s call him Dave, since using his real name might get him in trouble for being great at customer service.
To say I was impressed with Dave is an understatement — he hooked me up. He looked up my account, saw I was a long time customer, gave me a free install and waived the monthly modem hostage fee because I’d already overpaid them hundreds of dollars for my old one. He explained everything to expect, gave me the shipping label to return my old modem and two copies of the order, one to put in the box and one to keep. Easy peasy.
I was in and out in 5 minutes, new modem in hand and install scheduled. I couldn’t think of a better way to start off a new service. If this is the way it was going to be I was already considering upgrades. Things were looking good.
After years on a crappy DSL line I was on deck for Fiber to the home. Oh yeah.
On the day of install it started out very well. The guy who tests the lines out came an hour or so before the install, did some tests and gave me his info. Fantastic. The installer called twice to make sure I knew when he would arrive, and arrived right when he said he would. I had the info needed to start pulling cable. I was ready.
Then the problems started.
He looked at the wiring into our unit and couldn’t push any cables through. We gave it a valiant effort, but he just didn’t have the tools or expertise to make it happen. I don’t blame him for this, mind you. He tried to figure out a way to do it, even offered to drill a hole in my siding and pull it in behind some of my furniture. That wasn’t ideal for me so I discussed my options from there. He gave me the order info and said he’d just put the order on hold, then I could call in to reschedule when I figured out how my wiring was in my house.
Fair enough.
Finding out how it was wired was a challenge. I had to cut open a wall, jam my hand through a duct and use my cell phone camera to see how the wires routed. I’m guessing the same laborers that used hammers to poke holes in my drywall to install our bathroom lighting fixtures (true story) pulled the wiring for the house. It was a mess. Unless you had access behind the wall, you weren’t pulling cable through that conduit.
It took a couple days and a lot of drywall dust, but I was able to pull some guide wire to help the next installer route the fiber to the desired location, so I was finally ready to re-schedule the installer.
Info in hand, I call in, only to find out that the order had actually been canceled, not put on hold. The operator was nice enough, but she decided to write a new order for me, complete with up-charges for the install and modem lease, and also provisioned a new modem for me even though I already had one. That became an issue later, but none of this was communicated to me. I could feel her smile through the telephone though. I bet she gets a commission for that one.
So the next installer comes out, and the install goes very well. There are 3 guys who show up, and they are all very nice, polite and helpful. It was hot as hell where they had to install the junction box, but it didn’t phase them.
We go through all of the setup, they pull fiber in to my house and test the line. All is good. I have my modem ready to go, so the modem they brought wasn’t needed. We fire mine up, and within minutes I’m online with 40mb of Internet goodness. Sweet! He takes the modem he brought with him and I sign off on the work he did.
I feel pretty good about the whole experience so far. We ran into some issues here and there, but overall I would have given them a great rating. 5-star Yelp review here I come, I’m a happy customer.
Unfortunately, that’s when the wheels fell off.
I went on a short vacation, and while I was out I get this email from CenturyLink:
I had no idea what kind of surprise they had in store. I didn’t pay much attention to it, figuring it was just something standard they sent out… and since I expected the bill to be of the “lower than usual” variety, I was pleasantly amused by the email.
When I got back, I pulled up my newly minted bill. Instead of a $70 bill I now had one for $178. Confused, I took it back to Dave to see what was going on. He looked through it and just started shaking his head in disgust. Rather than take 20 seconds to look at the order that was put in, the agent had just done a standard upgrade order, at full price, no discounts at all. Wonderful.
At that point he started apologizing. He couldn’t do anything at the store, but gave me all of the info I needed to work this out. Gave me the exact terms to use, numbers to cite and who to call. This is a bit of a pain, but still workable. Mistakes happen. My rating has only dropped to 4-stars at this point, still pretty good. Dave is a rock star.
I called in as instructed. Once again, the agent was nice, listened to my story and promised to fix the problem. She pulled up the original order, saw the mistake that was made, and promptly put me on hold for 10 minutes or so. Great! We are finally making some headway.
When she returned, I got the good news. She’d put this info into a ticket and was going to get the disputed amount put on hold from billing so it wouldn’t be considered past due when the next bill came out. At that point it should be credited and we’d be where we should have been the first time.
She asked if I could be put on hold again while she got that arranged.
“No problem,” I said.
After a few minutes the other side of the line started ringing. A different lady answered.
New Agent: “Hello”
Me: “Hello”
New Agent: “How can I help you?”
Me: “Umm… I was on hold waiting for a billing credit to be issued”
New Agent: “OK, this is the billing department”
At which point I go through the whole story. Again.
The lady was quite helpful. She was the one who puts the dispute hold so I could avoid that initial payment. Awesome. Still don’t know why I was just transferred without any information about what was happening, but it looked like I was finally going to get it settled.
A few days later I get a random call from another installer, calling to schedule my install. When I ask him what it’s for, he states it’s to install high speed internet. Huh? I explain briefly what already happened and he cancels the appointment. I have no idea how or why that was even put into place.
Now I’m just waiting for the next bill so I could get everything paid and current. When it does come I’m in for a shock.
Now it’s $384. No discount on the account. No refund on previous billing. A mysterious $122 charge for which there is no explanation. I’m beside myself at this point.
Thinking that $122 charge was just a mistake that should have been a credit, I call them again.
After a few minutes on the phone I find out that the $122 charge is actually for the modem I never got. The agent, also sounding very helpful, puts me on hold to call the installer to see what happened. Back on hold I go. When she comes back on the line her tone is a bit different.
Agent: “I talked to the installer, and he says he never takes the modem with him, he always leaves it with the customer to return to us”
I look around the room, hoping that John Quiñones is ready to hop out from behind the couch and ask me “What would you do?,” but no such luck. Instead I’ve been transported to an episode of Judge Judy. My roommate has accused me of stealing something I don’t want or can actually use, and the judge is getting ready to read me the riot act.
Me: “But I don’t have the modem. Never did… not sure what to do about this”
Judge Judy: “Here’s the problem — I can issue a credit, but more than likely it will be denied later. Let me talk to my supervisor and try to get this fixed for you”
Whew. Cooler heads have to prevail here, right? You get to be a manager because you understand how to treat a customer… queue hold music. After about 2 minutes, she returns.
Judge Judy: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do for you”
Boom. Verdict issued. Guilty as charged.
Me: “umm… I’m confused, you have a record of me getting a modem from the store, and you have a record of the modem he was supposed to give me, why can’t you just track the serial number of it and see that it was given to someone else?”
Judge Judy: “We don’t track the serial numbers. I’m sorry, but you’re going to be responsible to pay for this”
Appeal denied, case closed. I don’t quite know what to say. I need to move on, because at this point I’m starting to get really upset.
I ask about the previous order, and getting the other charges removed.
Judge Judy: “We don’t offer free installs, we charge everyone for them. And to get the lease charge off of the bill you’ll have to buy the modem”
Me: “Can you at least look at the old order to see what is on there?”
Judge Judy: “Since the order is closed I can’t open it up. I’m sorry, but you will have to pay the bill as is.”
I’ve used up all of the logic available in my body, now I just want to scream at her, but stop short. I’ve been a call center employee before. Their job sucks, and they can only do what their system allows them to do. It isn’t her fault, but that doesn’t help matters much.
My wife walks in the house as I’m hanging up the phone. She takes one look at me and knows something is wrong. Welcome home, honey. Giddy up for the good news.
So that’s it. Apparently I’m on the hook for anything CenturyLink decides to put on the bill, with no accountability from them and no recourse. It doesn’t matter that they should be able to track their own inventory, orders and calls. Every time I get another bill there are new charges on it. I’m stuck with either pulling the plug and calling Comcast or fighting this more. I honestly think that’s what they count on. What other choices do we have?
Don’t get me wrong — I’m happy to pay for what I signed up for. The actual Internet service so far is as good or better than I expected. Take out the atrocious phone “support” and I’d actually say I was very satisfied with the people I met in person. Except for lying to the last rep, the installer and his crew worked their tails off installing the fiber. $60 is probably a bargain for what they did.
But I was promised a specific deal, and they refuse to honor it. Charging me for something that was never given to me smells like fraud. Isn’t there a law against this sort of thing?
It takes hard work to be this bad. The fact that both providers have similar ratings means they have a method. A reproducible, peer-reviewed, repeatable process. The essence of the scientific method, twisted for corporate gain.
I pull up Yelp again. The ratings, it seems, are far more accurate than I thought. The common complaint that Yelp requires you to give at least a 1-star all the more relevant to me. I have thoughts of reaching out to all of the 1-star posters and see if they want to join a class-action lawsuit. Just me and 180 of my newest friends. That might get CenturyLink’s attention. Maybe in 5 years I’ll get a cup of coffee from it.
Out comes the computer and I start typing. Maybe someone who can do something will see it, but I know that really isn’t true. That is the stuff of Internet lore. But it feels good to write this down. It’s therapy at 60 wpm.