Last year I almost broke. The sudden divorce request almost did me in. Spiritually and financially. Physically, I didn’t want to be on earth. I was so close to ending it. When I chose to be strong, I did so on behalf of people that needed my support. With them, I pretended that everything was way better than it was. I didn’t want to interrupt their normal with me. There were about five people in this category. They never know how dark things were… How rough it was…
I did everything that I could to continue to serve them with everything that I got. Most of them were younger than me. I felt they needed me to be strong. This was dangerous, now that I look back. I tried to hold it together so that they wouldn’t break. I have since discovered that sometimes you should allow yourself to reach the bottom so that you can truly stand up properly.
Inadvertently those people did not have a true vision of who I was. So I manipulated their expectations. In a way, I didn’t give them permission to see or access the real me. To accept that I was not perfect. They in turn could not be what I needed. Why? I wanted to support their journeys as and keep my word. But I have to give myself permission to let all expectations go. It’s OK that I could not hold it together. It’s OK but I have to take a moment to regroup. When I made those commitments, I wasn’t scarred. I was not hurting this deeply. I was not discombobulated.
I’ve given myself permission to step away so that I don’t pretend to be available when I’m not. Sometimes the best thing we can give other people is access to what’s really going on with us. With that expectations might, just might be realistic