Getting over a breakup
Mya ttempt here is to give out my journey through my 2 month period of getting over a breakup and through it I’ve learned a few things I want to share with whomever wishes to read up and learn about this.
It’s not your fault
Though sometimes it can be your fault, unless you did something to intentionally hurt him/her, it wasn’t your fault. Some things just don’t work out, relationships you thought were great may not have been like that for the other party, and you have to learn to move on with the thought that you did the best you could under the circumstances and that maybe the other person was not ready for you. If it was meant to be, it would happen and if not, then no.
The One You Feed
Ages ago, an unknown author wrote a little something, a quick story of an old Native American who was talking to his grandchild, and told him of the internal battle inside all of us, of two wolves, a good one and a bad one. The grandson asked which one wins, and the old man said “The one you feed.” This is my little tale that I use to remember that we all fundamentally make decisions based off 2 fundamental feelings: Love or fear. When I gave everything to be with this girl, when I drove endless hours to go see her, when I got along with her family and tolerated their ceaseless shouting and yelling, I did it all out of love. When she broke up with me, I don’t know why she did, I don’t know the purpose of it, she will never tell me I think, but all I know is that it was rooted in fear. That’s all that matters, and understanding that helps us look at things from a different perspective.
It’s never personal
This brings me to the third point, that it’s never personal. People rarely ever do something because they seek to hurt you for the sake of hurting you, but more often than not, it’s to answer to a hurt, a fear or a negative feeling of some sort. People will often react because their past experiences, their fears or their past has taught them something, but it’s rarely meant to hurt you, it’s more often than not a decision made to save themselves. This brings to mind the example of what happens to us kind people. The people we meet rarely want to continue with us and reject us for people that treat them a bit more harshly, maybe thats because they treat them how they feel inside. If we’re kind to them, and they think little of themselves, there’s a dissonance that needs to be balanced.
Forgive instead of hate, but do not forget
When we are wronged, it’s natural and easy to hold on to that rage. It’s simple, even natural, to keep it bottled and hold that against someone. Internally we think;
“I’m going to hold all this hatred and anger and they’re going to feel my wrath whenever they see me”
But thats rarely the case. More often than not, people move on with their lives, they work, they play, the watch TV and forget how they’ve wronged someone and carry on with their lives. You are the only one holding on to that rage, and when they see you, they might momentarily remember how they wronged you, but it’s easier for them to move on since they don’t carry the hurt with them.
You on the other hand, carry that with you and unless you fully express every emotion bottled, including your own upset with yourself, you will never be free.
Forgiving is the key to your freedom. It’s tough to do it at first, we’re not wired for it. Our reptilian brain doesn’t comprehend forgiveness as part of the necessary steps for survival, but our higher consciousness does. Forgiving is easier when you first ask for forgiveness to those you’ve wronged. Second to difficulty is forgiving others for having wronged you. Lastly, the most difficult but most liberating of all, forgiving yourself for having hurt yourself, having wronged yourself. Let go of that hatred that only brings you internal chaos and pain, release yourself from it. They don’t carry it with them, why should you?
Don’t forget what they’ve done to you, but forgive them for having done so.
Surround yourself with people that truly care about you
During a breakup, fallout, loss of something or someone, we are vulnerable, raw creatures. We struggle to hold on to internal composure and doing things that before we had passion for now cost a bit more effort, and everyday seems to sap more energy from us. Thats fine, and thats normal. It’s a grieving process we all must undergo. But sometimes we will get an idea in our head and run it through, over and over and unless someone is there to help us snap out of it, we will convince ourselves oft hat idea. If that idea is that he/she cheated on you, or that they never loved you, or that they thought something bad about you, and you won’t stop yourself, you’re bound to repeat it until your image of you is tarnished. It’s difficult feeling good about ourselves at our lowest point, but finding people that believe in you and your light is a step in the right direction to feeling better than the day before. Seeing yourself from their perspective and seeing that you’re not as bad as your self-criticizing mind makes you out to be helps us relieve a great stress off our shoulders and helps us achieve the freedom we desperately crave to be happy again.
I know I write a lot, so I’m looking to improve my writing. If there’s something you guys think I could do to be better, point it out for me, let me know! I’m here to help, but improving my writing is how you can help me help you more.
Stay hungry, stay foolish!