Phish — The Ultimate Spiritual Experience
Part Ten of a Multi-Part Series “Towards Religion and Meaning”
Note: This is a multi-part series, if you haven’t read the previous posts, I highly recommend checking them out to catch-up before proceeding, here.
- Part One: Why I Turned Away From G-d
- Part Two: Declaring My Atheism
- Part Three: The Repugnancy of Religion
- Part Four: The Superficiality And Thoughtlessness of Religion
- Part Five: The Silencing of Religion
- Part Six: It’s Cool To Be An Atheist
- Part Seven: “Culturally Jewish”
- Part Eight: I Am The Seeker
- Part Nine: Stealing Fire
I had seen Phish at Austin City Limits (ACL) during my freshman year of college. Sure, it was maybe a good show, but what really stood out was the fact that I got to smoke a blunt with some random dude in their 60s who was really vibing with the band. While I was very appreciative of his sharing, I simply couldn’t share his enthusiasm for Phish. I just didn’t get it.
I didn’t ever really think about Phish again until five years later when a co-worker and I were exchanging music and he began to spam me with Phish. I still didn’t get it. He persisted — adamant that I would eventually love the stuff he was sending me; he came at it from all angles of jam bands (Widespread Panic, String Cheese Incident, Umphrey’s McGee, etc…) until I was completely immersed.
Eventually, I grew to deeply appreciate the jam. It was a superior form of music where the musicians truly in their element and not just playing the same thing over and over and over. I was listening to Phish on an almost daily basis, I started going on couch tour, and when propositioned, I jumped at the opportunity to go see Phish at Dick’s Sporting Goods Arena in Commerce City, CO, that coming September.
I wanted to really show up for this event and be extra “heady” (Someone down with the movement of love, funk and good old times), so I laser-cut a bunch of jam band-themed coasters and vowed to use them as currency at the infamous ‘shakedown street’.
Unsurprisingly, these were readily accepted by anyone and everyone at shakedown. They traded for roughly $5 equivalent and people thought they were super dope. On that note, the people were all basically hippies — some of the kindest and most spiritual people you could find. And they loved their drugs.
I was like a kid at a candy store, and I had a sweet tooth. I traded my coasters for all sorts of drugs and took them all (what a great idea!). Between taking MDM, Psilocybin, Sassafrass (it’s a thing), LSD, and constantly smoking weed / drinking, I was setting myself up for the craziest trip of my life.
And then came the show…
Phish ruined all other shows for me. The camaraderie and energy in the crowd was palpable. This might have also been due to the fact that >90% of people in the crowd were on something, but it was amazing to be part of the gigantic group of people who were so united in their love and passion. Excitedly guessing what they’d play next, high-fiving / hugging after every song (for yet another successful jam), knowing the lyrics and singing along to each(despite there being hundreds to choose from), etc…
This community of love and passion coupled with the incredible energy from the band as well as the mind altering effects of the drugs seemed like what religion was supposed to be. I’m not going to get into everything I felt or the experience from taking all those psychedelics at once (it was actually a great time), but they really sent the experience over the top. Without exaggeration, I can honestly say that that first night was likely the peak experience of my life.
After the show, the crew continued to shakedown street to suck on nitrous-filled balloons and rehash everything that had just happened. It was cultish, it was ritual, and we loved it.
Past this point, I effectively resolved myself that Phish was a religion as it shared the majority of the desirable characteristics:
- Emphatic community
- Shared value-set
- Holidays (special shows like MSG) and services (regular shows)
- Divine experiences (drugs)
Best of all, there was no G-d! With that, I basically adopted Phish as my religion and moved on. And, to my surprise, many Jews also loved Phish and felt similarly.
While this was a great religion, I still yearned for something more and began to explore additive means of satisfying my spiritual voracity.
