Weekly Journal — Breast Cancer Change My Life!
Third Week after Surgery
Sunday was uneventful, other than being a little tired from the previous night. Speaking of the previous night, I wore one of my regular dresses. Tried on three outfits before settling on a particular black dress that I felt could camouflage my new my chest area. Having only had one fill of salin, I feel pretty flat chested right now. So I carried a shawl for two reasons that night, one, in case it was a little chilly and two, to cover my chest if others detected I was near flat chested. Thank God neither happened. I know all this is mostly in my mind but it is my reality and I have to go through it to grow through it. Another, thing I find myself not only self conscious but staring at others breast. Why I do this? Not really sure. Anyway, I guess it is all apart of the healing process.
This morning as norm, completed my social media stuff and off to the mall for my daily walk and workout. This morning I really didn’t feel like walking around that boring mall, meeting the same people there, and putting on a fake smile like I am happy to be there. I rather be in the gym but the doctor has limited my workout but tomorrow I am going into the gym and walk on the treadmill. I miss the gym and the people so much. The gym is like my oxygen.
Walking around the gym, I had moments of regrets and despair but snapped myself back to reality really quick. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I guess I never new implants involved so much and really changes your life for a couple of moments. I never knew alot about implants, I thought you go to the doctor, he put them in and off you go. Quite the contrary, there is such a process to do them correctly. Thank God I didn’t have muscle removed from my back or stomach. I’ve heard of the horrible life times changes that occurred as a result of using stomach or back muscles. Anyway, one can’t go forward looking back so I must keep looking forward.
Regarding my workout, I did the usual two miles walk around the mall, twelve laps up and down the stairs, ten lunges, ten leg back and side extensions, ten squats, ten chair raises for my arm and ten mild wall pushups. Gosh, I need to get back into the gym. Maybe I can’t teach my cycling class per the doctor but I am going to workout in the gym tomorrow. Can’t take another day in the gym. Better than no exercise at all. Not complaining, but need more atmosphere and more human interaction.
Not feeling any major discomfort right now, I guess that’s a blessing. Will be thrilled when all this is over. I know I cannot rush nature. Also, with the expanders, my chest feels hard as a brick. I will not miss these expanders when they are gone.
Oh I forgot, when you sneeze, wow, what an experience. Sneezing wakes up my expander. What discomfort, but thank God it’s all quick. Don’t sneeze that often but it has become an event, unwanted event for now. Just wanted to let others know what to look forward to. No surprises here. As I experience it, I will share it.
Tuesday and Wednesday, back in the gym and trying to do some more fitness routine other than walking around the mall. I still am not able to teach my cycling class yet. So as usual, I awake at 3:30Am and do my social media work then off to the gym. My nights are more restful than the past. Getting used to my new breasts. My doctor have me oiling, lotioning and massaging my breast at least twice a day. This will help me the healing where the stitches are. Also, this type of surgery as Dr. Hesler said is very traumatic to the body. I have lots of black and blue bruises. As the blood starts to circulate, each day they are becoming my norm. At first, I had a difficult time looking at them they look foreign. Now they are becoming my norm. lol. Still when I sneeze, it feels like the sneeze goes directly to my left breast which causes me momentary discomfort. I try not to sneeze to often or I try to combat it but nature is what it is and I can only limit my sneeze to a point. Today at the gym, I did light weight lifting, ten pounds, the doctor said no more than five pounds. I know my body better than the doctor. I couldn’t do any flies because those require the underarm muscles and tried a little and my body says not yet. Not yet it is and I am okay with that. Tomorrow is another day.
Yesterday, back at the gym and doing my regular routine, mostly. I can’t do arm flies due to the implants but everything else I am on it and feeling good. Leave it to my doctor, I wouldn’t see the inside of a gym for two months on this level. They told me I could walk on the treadmill slowly not briskly. I am walking so briskly I am creating a win and loving it and my body is feeling alive the more and more I do. Even the expanders are adjusting to the movement and feeling more a apart of my body instead of this foreign equipment inside my breast. Still up and three thirty AM doing my social media. I so miss not teaching at the gym but soon will return.
I was concerned that none of my clothes would no longer fit, so far I am able to dress in some of my dress but nothing to fitted around my breast. That makes me a little self conscious. I know it’s mostly in my head because I have never been top heavy. Last night I attending an Entertainment Industry Workshop, so I dressed up with a little cut pooka dot dress and my cutoff suede boots and felt good about myself. As the doctor add more salin not sure how my clothes will fit but will enjoy this journey I have now.
Friday, back at the gym and feeling great. Had lunch with a business associate today and wore one of my little dresses. I looked fine. Each day now is getting better and better. Thank God. I remember when I could barely get out of the bed without assistance now I can almost jump up out of the bed as before the surgery. Tonight, my husband and I are going out to dinner to celebrate me feeling good. Joy makes the body heal faster. Another joy moment, I ordered a Veggie Grill Machine and it arrive today. I am leaning toward a plant based diet since a lot of the meat we eat is carcinogenic, even chicken and fish which is what I ate primarily, and sparingly. Still massaging my breast twice a day with oil as the doctor suggested. Next week I return for another solution of salin. I think the doctor said two more would be adequate and then the implants would be installed in place of the expandera. Looking forward to that. Sometimes, I feel my breast and they are so hard because of the expanders, I assume.
Saturday was a great day. Got dress in regular clothes and went to an AOPA event and had so much fun. Was a little self conscious of my breast, but it was mostly in my head. Being that so many ladies now have breast implants, often I find myself comparing myself to others. Why I do this, not really sure. In time, I am sure these feeling will pass because my new breast will one day become my old breast and I am okay with that. What choices to I have now. One really good thing no more cancer in my breast and no more mammograms and looking over my should every year. That a lot to celebrate. I am blessed in a lot of ways. This week I must return to the doctor for another injection of Salin. I will be glad soon. Someday, this all will be behind me. I want my testimony to help others as they go through a similar process or breast cancer strikes. Very little pain now, just tightness around my chest. But it’s not nothing that I can’t bear. I am blessed and living my life!