I am confused about your motivating example. It seems that the black child in question was expressing internalized self-hate, which was then echoed by the babysitter’s mother. Are you trying to say that the mother lied, and in turn the babysitter thought your were lying? If not, is reporting on internalized racism itself racist?
This article itself contains a third-hand report of a self-deprecating racist claim. I think you are trying to say that talking about racism in such a way is white narcissism. I am just so confused.