NDE
So was I, “There” for 120 seconds in the night of April 15 /16 of 2018; 120 seconds of peace, wonder and happiness, after 2 back-to-back heart attacks — after 4 years of enduring for the sake of ‘true love,’ the ineffable side-effects of small-cell-lung-cancer-chemotherapy overdose that cause whole-body: joint, bone and muscular pain.
When I woke up, the only emotion I knew was anger — while and after I was done puking up a quart of blood. She had used her medical POA to override my DNR. I knew it was for loveshe couldnot let me go and immediately forgave her.
Since then, in May: 4 years and 11 months after loosing my left lung, in a botched pneumonectomy that made my thoracic cavity “…a twisted mangled, post-surgical anatomical mess.”, I think often how I wish I could return.
Also, in May, my rare atypical neuroendocrine carcinoma went into metastasis: 100mcg fentanyl patches, Dilaudid, liquid Morphine and liquid Lorazepam and Amphetamine keep the pain at, as the pain-psychiatrist states, “…you are at your level 6/7, which is most people’s level 9. You have evolved an unusual tolerance given the duration of constant pain.”
I only know one other persons who speaks with the believable-conviction regarding the peaceful, tranquil relief (in a dark but clearly viewable infinite expanse that is experienced after death).
I wish you peace… when and where and however you find it.
