A cross-section of an original Cronut from Dominique Ansel Bakery in New York City. (ccho, Flickr | Creative Commons)

Desert Dessert: ISIS Leaks Secret Cronut Recipe

Sahara Desert—Leaders of the middle eastern militant group announced today that they will bake the fried delicacy from the original recipe on their youtube channel KittenMittens34. Foodies from the blog-o-sphere report that no one has been able to make anything close to what Chef Dominique Ansel invented in New York. After several unsuccessful attempts at recreating the tasty pastry, ISIS stumbled onto the secret recipe while infiltrating top level Pentagon and Kremlin information.

Month’s of experimenting within cave laboratories were uneventful, as their lead and ‘volunteer’ chemist could only come close to replicating the top secret recipe. Under extreme temperatures and conditions “the sand was always an issue,” he said about their “desert desserts”.

“The Sahara’s plentiful minerals kept giving it a grainy crunch,” he continued explaining as he gathered his belongings from the lab. “There was a lot of pressure to be successful but unfortunately I‘m no Julia Child.”

At the same time the islamic extremists had hired a group of hackers to unearth Pentagon information on civilian casualties as well as Kremlin influence in the middle east. What they discovered was that both had been sharing the recipe since they won access to it at a U.N. holiday party.

Spokesman for the Islamic State said, “Hundreds of bakeries around the world tried their hand but could only produce bittersweet knock-offs. We failed in our desert caves. But now everyone all over the world can try this truly tasty, flaky, crispy, fry-bread of the gods”


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