I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago
Rachel Ward

For me, it’s been since April 2014. Flu & ARDS AND systemic MRSA killed Helen. Duke Hospital at least got me a solid diagnosis. Getting back to work and writing (including trying to write fiction for the first time and trying poetry again) have been IMMENSEly helpful. I spent most of last year wanting to run away. I’d go on a trip and realize there was no where to run. I was carrying a horrible week in the hospital all those moments wondering how much the doctors were telling me… And finally Helen’s eyes moving back and forth with pupils quickly dilating and shrinking…

I am lucky to have one daughter who was too young (9 months) to remember her mom. Obviously that’s it’s own sad true fact, but it means there isn’t a constant “where’s mommy?” We can just go have a ball. Figuring out the new normal seems easier than if she had been really any older. It’s weird to have that be a thing that I give thanks for. The person I’m going to be closest to not knowing her mom.

❤❤❤ Everyone on this thread and to you, @Rachel Ward.

And… I feel weird about this, but this poem might speak to some of you:

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