The Paradox of Procrastination

Eric Hatton
Jul 27, 2017 · 4 min read

I work in a very interesting field. The whole purpose of my work is to bring a certain level of pain, discomfort and conflict out in the open where it can be addressed. It sounds a bit depressing, but the results are worth it, especially if you consider the alternative.

As human beings, to one degree or another, we go through life suppressing the things we find unpleasant about ourselves and broadcasting the things that paint a rosy image. Look no further than Facebook and you know it’s true. The unpleasant things we love to avoid usually spring from wounds and traumatic events of our childhood, which are held deep inside and kept under careful lock and key, lest they should escape. These secret burdens, so carefully and intentionally concealed, sometimes even from ourselves, are the seeds of demons that will grow and grow until they can’t be ignored any longer and must be faced head on.

What are these seeds? They are the seeds of self-doubt, humiliation and shame. The things in us that others communicated, whether verbally or non-verbally, were unacceptable which undoubtedly include things we find unacceptable about ourselves as well.

These things we try to conceal in the shadows are the things we least want to deal with and at the same time the very things that we most need to deal with. Why are we so afraid to acknowledge a part of who we are? To acknowledge who we really are and how we really feel about ourselves is to acknowledge that we have failed, that we are broken, that we are not who we imagined. The bottom line is that we can’t bear the thought that we might not measure up to whatever standard we hold ourselves to.

To face the truth about ourselves takes hard work and it is painful. No wonder we procrastinate! The tendency to put off such an unpleasant task is perfectly understandable, but gets us nowhere.

Procrastination, especially in this context, is only easy in the moment. Life has a way of bringing you face to face with the things you most want to avoid whether you like it or not. And the longer you wait the more painful it becomes. The irony is that while you may avoid feeling the pain, the pain doesn’t go away. Like using painkillers, you can keep the pain at bay for awhile, but you can’t keep the pain at bay forever. Until that pain is dealt with and your focus is on healing, the pain will remain, waiting for the perfect moment to emerge into your consciousness, forcing you to spend more and more energy to keep it suppressed.

The fact is, everyone has something to conceal. Our public face, the face we present to the world, is a tool we designed to shield ourselves from the specter of rejection. We are afraid that we will be rejected if we act out our true selves and to some extent it’s true! We probably would be rejected by some if we openly expressed our genuine thoughts and feelings to the world.

Where is the positive in all this you ask? The good news is that humans are tough hombres. This isn’t some new phenomena that is just now emerging into the human condition. Human beings have struggled with this reality throughout history. The other piece of good news is that there are those who will hear you out, who will accept you when you finally reveal those “unacceptable” thoughts and feelings. And that’s where the work I do comes in. It’s called Forte Strong and it’s all about empowerment. Our mission is to build strong, happy, independent young men and in the process, we help parents heal and reconnect with their sons.

Families from all over, even from overseas, send their sons to work with us. The problems and issue each young man faces may be different, but the same root cause besets them all: they and often their parents have put off making long overdue changes and now find themselves waist deep in quicksand, unable to move. They need serious help and fast.

I have seen incredible changes here at Forte. Families leave our doors feeling stronger, closer and happier about who they are and where they’re going in life. But not every parent or child is willing to make the sacrifices needed to get there. Instead they kick the can further down the road hoping things will get better.

To sum it all up. Don’t wait for your demons to come find you, go find them and do battle while they are still small and relatively weak. If your demons are powerful and out of control, you don’t have to fight them alone. There are remarkable human beings everywhere who can help you break the shackles. Wherever you’re at, whatever your circumstances, do yourself a favor, don’t wait!

Eric Hatton

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As an observer of culture and politics, I take a keen interest in the psychology of societal movements and trends.