this is the day when i back myself
when i give back to myself
when i bestow the compassion that i have been seeking from others
on my own wanting flesh and aching bones.
today i take down my high fences and replace them with boundaries and
survey the terrain of this heart of mine and see that it is good.
the day i fit my own mask before i fit the mask of others around me.
the day i draw a line in the sand and say this is who i am, and i am
wild and fierce but i am
this is the day that i will go out on a limb and expect the universe to meet me half way,
acknowledging that what i put out is exactly what i get in return
and that if the devil turned up on my doorstep it is because i summoned him there,
and that yes my addiction to self deprecation and atonement are often the same thing and that
yes i may have followed him into hell and done deals unholy,
but i walked back out again with my head held high
and that carries both weight
this is the day that i will pledge to write my way through
but not at the expense of my sanity and
whilst i will not contribute to the noise i will make a promise to speak mindfully.
today i bow before synchronicity and simplicity.
small moves and simpler words.
i surrender to possibility.
with the knowledge that our memories do not make us.
and that sometimes we cannot reconcile with our choices
but still i tear the pages out of my book, black and heavy with ink and tearstains
and i offer unto myself my own redemption, knowing that
i cannot save the devil, but i can save
this is the day i raise a glass to all that has gone before
as i take my rightful place in a new world.
and while the road may be long and fraught with danger,
every step i take is a choice.
i have a choice.
and i am stronger than i give myself credit for.
i am alive
and my time starts