But life goes on

And it was in that second, that I realized my life was going to change. Forever. I obviously knew this was going to happen, every kid always dreams of growing up, but the sheer realization of how close real life was, hit me like an unforgiving train. I came into this new life, so suddenly. And OVERWHELMING joy washes over me, when I think about the endless happiness I have been granted. When I think about how my life would be, if I didn’t make these changes, I cringe. I no doubt, would be in a disgustingly disfunctional relationship with a compulsive liar, addicted to drugs, and getting myself arrested, probably. But I’m not. I turned my life around, and met the most beautiful souls I’ve ever come in contact with. But when that train hit me, I realized that the future makes my heart hurt. I’ll have a different bed, and I won’t see my best friends every day. I’m not afraid our friendships won’t last-that’s impossible- but i’m afraid of how much I’m going to miss them. I feel like I’ve been cheated. These new things have only come into my life so suddenly, I want more time. I nee more time for those things that bring me joy. I’m not ready to be an adult-regardless of what I’ve been saying-The thought of a new bed and a new sky to look at terrifies me and excites me. I am leaving myself in this rotten, but beautiful old town. And I am afraid. I will not be the same soul when I return. The person I am now is self conscious, anxious, and half crazy. But I am who I am. I’m afraid to leave this soul behind, and to start a new chapter of my life, because then I will not be the same.

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