I’m a “Bad Jew”
Am I a Good Jew for thinking I’m a Bad Jew?
It’s Yom Kippur, the holiest day in Judaism.
It’s the Day of Atonement.
Am I a Bad Jew? I wonder.
I’m not fasting. I’m not going to synagogue. I’m going to a networking event downtown.
I never keep Kosher. I don’t speak Hebrew. I didn’t make my Bat Mitzvah.
I’m terrible.
Wait. Isn’t part of the culture of Judaism doing the whole self-deprecating “I’m a Bad Jew” thing?
But, seriously. I wasn’t raised religious at all. I was just on the phone with my dad, and he praised me for being “pragmatic”. (Fun fact: my dad has a similar accent to Bernie Sanders, just with an NYU-educated touch. They’re both Brooklyn, born-and-raised. They went to the same high school, just in different eras.)
How ironic that I fasted the first night of Ramadan, but I didn’t commit to fasting or observing Yom Kippur.
I acknowledge the struggles made by the Jewish people for millennia and in the present day, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful.
Let me explain more about my background.
My mom wasn’t Jewish. My dad is Jewish.
So I’ve definitely had my phases of feeling like I’m not Jewish enough. (According to traditional thinking, you are the religion your mother is.)
Growing up, we had a Christmas tree in our house, but I also got presents for Hanukkah. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were not embedded into my life; they were days off from school.
I fit in well enough with a lot of cultural and social practices of Judaism, and at progressive synagogues. But in settings and moments where Hebrew is spoken and traditions are recounted, I’m an outsider.
I fit in well enough with the majority of programming and my peers at the Brandeis Collegiate Institute and Jewish Activism Summer School. But where shabbat is observed and Kashrut is kept, I’m an outsider.
I felt “not Jewish enough” a couple years ago when a Modern Orthodox man wouldn’t (couldn’t?) commit to dating me, even though he swore it wasn’t because of religion.
I wondered if “not being Jewish enough” was a reason I was rejected from a job at a Jewish nonprofit.
Erica, this is New York. There are many different ways of being Jewish.
At least I’ve been Jewish enough to explore my connections to the culture and people via Birthright Israel; to hold close connections with my Jewish friends and my little Jewish grandmother; and to participate in the Brandeis Collegiate Institute and Jewish Activism Summer School, where religious observance was all on a spectrum.
By some measures, I’m what you call a Bad Jew.
But I feel Jewish. I identify as a Jewish woman.
And maybe, just maybe, that makes me “Jewish Enough”.
G’mar Tov!
-Er
