Real conversations with winter lovers

Because hating the cold is not a crime

Names have been changed, unless noted. That’s me in italics.


Ice Troll

(via Facebook status) Dreading the next three months of socks, gloves, hats and scarves!

“Maybe you should move,” comments Ice Troll.

I would love to move and never come back. If only I could take my family and my job with me.

“I understand wanting to stay for those reasons. But you are choosing to be miserable. And if that’s your choice, you don’t belong in my state.”

Then banish me from thy kingdom, Your Highness! But let’s not forget seasonal depression sufferers. It’s definitely not a choice for them!

“Jeez Louise! Why did I even get involved?!”


Pretty much all winter lovers

“At least when it’s cold, you can always add more layers! Don’cha know…”

Me in my layers. For -37° windchill, I had plenty.

But you can’t always add more layers. What if you didn’t pack extra layers? And if there’s no nearby sporting goods outlet to purchase more long johns?

“Then you need to be more prepared.”

Fine. But what happens when you go into the chalet/cabin/mall and you’re stuck in all those layers?Then you’ll be hot, and you people HATE being hot.

“Yes. Because when you’re hot, you can only remove so many layers and you can’t walk around naked.”

The heat never forced anyone into their birthday suit. You find the nearest air conditioned building. Besides, it will probably be cooler tomorrow. In the winter, you’re TRAPPED INDOORS for four months, unless you’re rushing to the car.

“Whatever. I’m going snowshoeing.”

And I’m going to remove some layers and climb under the covers.


My actual father-in-law

“I like winter because I like the feeling of having my coat on.”

So you’re a big “layers” guy, huh?

“Plus, I got all my pockets for my keys and whatnot?”

But it takes so long to get all bundled up!

“Heh.”

I suppose you enjoy wearing socks, too…

“I think it’s best for everyone if I leave my socks on!”


Klutz Kringle

“This morning my legs flew out from under me and my tailbone landed directly on the ice. Nobody was around to hear me cry out, so I just choked back the pain.”

Here’s a bag of frozen peas to sit on.

*sad trombones*

Minivan Mogul

“Why would you drive a convertible when you can only use it, like, two months out of the year?”

Actually, you can use it nine months out of the year. The top first goes down in March and closes for good in late October. You can’t do it every single day of any month, including the two you are referring to. But you can, indeed, drive with the top down for a majority of the year.

My late convertible on a bona fide non-top-down day, 2012

Sensible Snowperson

“It’s better than mosquitoes.”

Touché. Still, I’ll take mosquitos over frostbite.


Snow angel

“But it’s soooo beautiful…”

“Beautiful” snow. From my Instagram @thesunshinediva

Until five cars drive on it. Then it’s mud pie frosting.

“You need to have more appreciation for God’s creation.”

Oh, I appreciate God’s creation just fine. I appreciate that God made me a warm-blooded mammal so that this kind of thing isn’t FATAL.


The snow bunny I married

“I just love snowblowing! The snow is like a fountain! You never have to clear the snow because I love it!”

I shall never forget you said that!

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