In January, I’ve had the opportunity to talk with a lot of amazing people and I wanted to share some of my favorite insights from those conversations. From lessons and growth over the past few years to their visions for the next 12 months, I hope you find something of value to you.

At the start of the month, I had a wonderful conversation with my friend Kimberly Giangtran on my podcast*. Kimberly explained that when she was younger she, like many of us, got annoyed and pissed at her parents. Sometimes it was them not being home, which is easily interpreted as them not wanting to spend time with their children but is really just them working to financially provide for us.

Other times it was them pushing their models of success onto us and expecting us to follow suit. In fact, Kimberly explained that with the Chinese Exclusion Act and other policies of the U.S. government the only way for many Asian families to immigrate to the U.S. was to be in a career that was in high-demand, like doctors and engineers. She learned that in an Asian American Studies class she took at the University of California, San Diego. Indeed many young Asians, and those of other ethnicities, experience projected models of success.

When I heard that story, I was shocked at how well it explained the typical Asian parents pushing certain careers. Is that the only factor? Of course not. Those careers clearly make a lot of money. However, what I’ve noticed with my own parents is that I prioritize my interest and passion in a subject much more than my parents when it comes to a career. My parents are far more survival-focused and risk-averse than I am (not to say that I am a huge risk-taker, because I wouldn’t say that I am) which makes sense considering their cultural upbringing and life path.

Kimberly explained that really thinking about and internalizing, rather than simply acknowledging, how much our parents have done for us is a powerful moment that allows us to be more accepting and grateful for them even when their beliefs and values might contrast ours.

I feel the same way.

The moment we comprehend that the number 1 thing that any good parent wants, and I believe most parents are good parents, that what they want most is for their children to be happy — we win.

We create a perspective that allows us to start viewing from their point of view. We start to understand why they do and say certain things. We open up ourselves to start making our own choices, safe in the knowledge that if we are happy and can provide for our families, we will have made their wishes come true. It creates a better relationship with them and is in some ways, liberating. I won’t say it’s easy. I’ve faced plenty of challenges with it, and I continue to do so. But it has allowed me to have a more authentic relationship and allowed me to be more of me.

Another Kimberly and I discussed was the tendency of people to judge and jump to conclusions about others. Particularly we mentioned the label of “smart people”. When we see people succeed in school, people who seem to get the complex ideas of an academic subject, people who invent something incredibly innovative — we deem them as “smart” or “genius”.

Kimberly and I have both been labeled as such in the past, due to our success academically. But we acknowledge that we may have more time than others to study, since, for example, we never worked a job in high school like many others do. Some people have the financial ability to afford extra tutors, SAT prep, etc. As a result, in some ways, academic test performance reflects less of a person’s intelligence than it does the effort, time, and money they are able to put in.

Besides, I’ve read that A-students often end up working for C-students, and B-students end up working for the government. The idea is that C-students are more cut-out for business/entrepreneurship/leadership, whereas A-students are better employees. While I disagree partially with that generalization, as I think blanket statements are inherently flawed, I do recognize the truth in the concept.

Nevertheless, for me, the big issue with this labeling is that it prevents us from using those people as motivation. When we label someone as “genius” we limit ourselves because we subconsciously (if not consciously) believe that “we can’t be like them”. That they are just better, more talented than us. It’s just not true.

I read a post about Kobe Bryant, may he and the others in the helicopter rest forever in peace and love, that said something like “we thought he would just walk out of the crashed helicopter carrying his daughter through the flames like the god he seemed to be. Instead, we found that he was truly human.”

It was never about being “smart” or “genius” or “talented”. We put labels on too quickly. Indeed, Bryant wasn’t a legendary basketball player because of his natural gifts. There are so many stories of how much work he put in, how many countless hours he spent practicing, how he outworked everybody. He built his skills. So next time you think someone is simply “smart” question if it’s really that simple. Sure, everyone has natural talents. But skills can always be learned and improved.

When I talked to my friend Mhylia Castro on my podcast she shared her concern of how people lack empathy for others and the normalization of judgment and labeling, similar to my discussion with Kimberly. However, for Mhylia, her perspective came from a different angle. She looked at it as people not caring about others in need, the normalization of the lack of concern around people dying or being hurt due to national and global issues (e.g. shootings at high schools).

Indeed, people love to say things like “remember Columbine” or “remember 9/11” or “pray for the Amazon” and other nice-sounding phrases that make it seem like they care. Yet how many people actually care? I’m certain some of them. I’m equally certain that it’s not enough of them. After all, if enough people did, things would be changing. Many say these words and move on with their lives, not caring, not paying attention, not doing anything to help.

I’m guilty of this too. No, not of saying the nice-sounding phrases. As much as I can with my awareness, I try not to speak empty words. If I care, I’ll care. What I am guilty of though, is not caring. It scares me when I see these issues in the world and don’t feel attached to them.

The key to solving the issues in the world, as concluded by Mhylia and myself, is this: choose a few things that you deeply care about. Then do whatever you can to help solve the issue. As people come together around that issue, it will be solved. We need groups of people coming together to solve issues, to work on them, to care enough about them to take action.

No single person can handle the weight of issues like this. Indeed even thinking about it as I write this section is overwhelming. I don’t even know what’s the next step, or what to say next about how these issues can be solved. The human brain can’t do it alone. Only together, with enough caring and empathetic and intelligent people can solutions be made. And only with people caring and accepting enough of those solutions can they be implemented. After all, if people don’t care enough to accept solutions, there’s no hope even if they are conceived.

But while the issues of the world may be too vast to conceive, we can all start smaller. With our own lives. Start by caring. Not about the issues that plague the world, but about the people around you, the people you’re connected with on social media and in your life.

I have 3 Key Elements to Strong Relationships (whether with a significant other, friend, family, mentor, peer, or other) that I outlined in the episode with Mhylia.

We can all start by working on the relationships we have with others. In doing that, we build up our own little communities and can start solving bigger problems together.

I asked Kimberly what she was thinking, moving into 2020 and she mentioned how she wanted to really audit the people she invested time and energy into. Kimberly leads a pretty busy life, and she also cares deeply about her friends & family. So it is important for her to make sure she invests her time and energy into the right people.

Cutting off people we don’t need in our lives can seem harsh and selfish. But it is in doing exactly that, that we become able to provide our best selves to those who actually matter to us. It is in doing exactly that, that we are able to do our best work to serve and bring value to the world in our own ways. When we cut someone else off, we are not saying they aren’t important. We’re saying that we need to value ourselves first.

When I spoke with Sunshine Joyce Batasin on my podcast, she shared how her friends in the high school band she was in helped her get through a difficult time where a close family member suffered from a stroke and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Kailani Ponti said the same about a club she’s a part of around breakdancing, which helped her begin a journey of overcoming and dealing with her depression diagnosis and suicide. Kailani even told me that when she was at a mental health hospital she wrote down a list of those she loved, which ended up being a lot of people from the club that she deeply missed and wanted to get back to.

Having an encouraging community of people around you is vital to personal growth and achieving goals, helps with overcoming challenges and hardship, and is just downright awesome. Studies, including a nearly 80-year study at Harvard**, show a direct correlation between the quality of one’s relationships and the quality of one’s life when it comes to happiness, health, and longevity. So audit your inner circle, like Kimberly is doing. Surround yourself with those who push you to be better, those who seek to lift you up and bring you joy.

My friend Sunshine, the one who had a family member suffer from a stroke and breast cancer, was only 14-years old when that happened. In fact, she was the one who made the 911 call when the stroke occurred, and ended up spending the night in the hospital with that family member. A traumatic several months to be sure, but Sunshine has turned that story into purpose. She recognized that she valued being able to help others, saving lives and bringing hope to families as the doctors and nurses had done so for her in the hospital. She recognized that she had the ability to press pause on her emotions, do what needed to be done, and then cry her eyes out later.

Sunshine had this to say:

As a Filipino, Sunshine despised the idea of fulfilling the stereotype of being “another Filipino nurse” and being judged for it (remember how I said that we make judgments too quickly without knowing the full story?). She decided, however, to pursue nursing anyways because her story and values led her to believe that was the right path. Indeed, in listening to her talk about it, I can tell the passion she has already in studying nursing at the University of San Francisco.

The idea that one’s story, plus their personal values, can be used to create a meaningful life is a powerful idea I came up with as we were recording. In my own life, recognizing some of the things I’ve struggled with is what has led me to create articles and podcasts and posts on social media that share topics like these. Because I know that past me would have enjoyed learning these things from someone like the current me. It creates a sense of fulfillment for me and makes it special.

This was a question Sunshine asked me during our episode. It’s a legitimate question — why should someone trust me?

Question: Why do people ask for someone’s qualifications?
Answer: Because they want to know if someone is right.

If the goal is to figure out if I can be trusted, if I am right about something or not, why ask whether I’m qualified or not? Is that really going to guarantee your trust in me? Is that going to guarantee I’m right? Perhaps it will. Perhaps not.

In my opinion, since all I present are ideas, there is no risk or danger in considering my (or anybody else’s) opinions. Consider them. Think about them objectively and without bias. Test it out, apply it in your life. In my opinion, life is one big game of self-awareness. Is something right for you?

Some people prefer rice, others prefer noodles, and others still prefer sandwiches. Some people like pineapple on pizza. Others hate it. It’s not just true for food. Some like small cars, others like large ones. Some like the smaller cars, others prefer the larger SUVs or trucks. Some people use the iPhone, others use Samsung, or Google, or Huawei, or OnePlus, or Razer, etc. It’s a big game of preference and self-awareness.

I don’t do surgery or anything of the sort. Nobody’s life is at immediate risk (although one could argue that if one does not focus on their mental health, self-esteem, and self-awareness their lives are at risk). As a result, there is no reason I can’t put out my opinions, just like anyone else.

Besides, how often do we see others on social media or in our lives giving unsolicited opinions about a person’s choices? “You don’t drink boba? You don’t eat candy? Did you put the milk before the cereal? You’re on Android? You don’t want to be a doctor or engineer or lawyer?” (Side note: yes all of these are questions that have been directed at me. I promise I’m fine lol.)

So if anyone has something positive, encouraging, insightful, interesting, entertaining, or valuable to share. Please share it. People put out judgment, criticism, negativity, and hate far too much. It is our responsibility as people who have something positive to make positivity louder and share it.

My promise is this: I will always do my best to confirm what I preach as truth. There’s a quote that says “practice what you preach” but I hate that idea. It suggests that if I preach something, I should practice it. That I should practice it if I preach it. Why should I preach something before I’ve practiced it?

I preach what I practice. Or I offer a forewarning that I haven’t tried it, but have heard others have gotten benefit from it. I will always offer something I believe is the truth. I will use my own life, the lives of my mentors and friends and family, the people I admire and follow online, the books I read — to be able to present the best information I can.

But once I put it out, I believe it is the consumer’s job to figure out if something is valuable for them. If they find that I am wrong, perhaps they will come and tell me. We can discuss it, and learn together. This is one big game of learning & growth after all.

In fact, those who blindly accept things should question that behavior, because it could lead down dangerous paths. Be open-minded, don’t dismiss something just because of an initial judgment or reaction. But you don’t need to accept it blindly. Find out if it’s right for you.

Look at the advice, figure out what is useful, what isn’t, and what you can add. And to everyone afraid of starting or doing something because they’re afraid of being judged, of not being “right”, or being underqualified. Start. Speak your empowering truth, and be yourself. And be willing to grow. The world needs more of that attitude.

As I was editing my podcast with Kailani Ponti, I realized something. I now believe, after reflecting on what I’ve learned over this past month, that any challenge, hardship, issue that life throws at us can be solved if we have the right attitude. The most important part of overcoming anything in life: is attitude.

Kailani shared a story of overcoming depression, a version of which I’ve heard a lot of people share. In the episode description, I wrote “I have come to deeply admire and respect the attitude, perspective, and thoughtfulness that Kai brings to life, that I believe, anyone of any age can learn from.”

The approach Kailani has taken is this: she believes she can get better, she deeply wants to get better, and she is willing to put in the effort and work to do it. She is optimistic about her growth and acknowledges the progress she has made. She is acutely aware of what she still has to overcome, what she continues to struggle with. But she faces it with courage and determination, and she has surrounded herself with people who support and encourage her.

Consider Sunshine’s story — turning a traumatizing experience of seeing a close family member knocking on Death’s door, into one of purpose and meaning for her future. Consider Kimberly’s perspective on parent-child relationships — that it isn’t that her parents don’t care about her by not spending time with her, or are trying to be mean by pushing a career choice on her — they actually care deeply about Kimberly and her happiness. Just like most other parents!

(I believe most parents are good parents that simply want the best for their child and make mistakes in pushing it onto their children from time to time. I don’t blame them for it, but I do acknowledge it.)

Attitude, perspective is the most powerful tool we have to reframe our lives. We can reframe our past from one of suffering and pain, to something empowering like a drive to solve problems or grow as a person. We can reframe our fear of the future to the excitement of possibilities and opportunities. We can reframe how we view our lives now.

We talked about a lot of different topics on the podcast in 2020. I hope that in listening to the episodes or in reading this article I was able to create some clarity for you. I hope that there is at least one lesson in this article (nearly seven pages on a Google Doc at 11 point font) that you can take away and apply in your own life.

Maybe it’s working on your relationships with the people in your life, maybe it’s turning your pain into purpose, maybe it’s shifting your attitude towards life, maybe it’s overcoming the fear of not being qualified and deciding to start something and put out your truth.

Or maybe you think I’m wrong. That I don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s okay if you feel that way. I don’t need you to agree with me.

I believe what I’m saying, and I’ve done the work to confirm it as much as I can. It is from a place of confidence and humility, from a place of authenticity, that I am willing to speak my truth and be open to growth. A younger, struggling, confused version of me would have wanted someone like me to share their truth. Because my past is my drive. Because my perspective is empowering and positive. Because I am not alone. And I never will be. Because none of us are ever truly alone if we are willing to open up.

* The Eric Chow Empowers Podcast can be found at anchor.fm/eric-chow8 or Google “Eric Chow Podcast”.

** Harvard Study — How to Live a Healthy & Happy Life, a longitudinal study that started in 1938.