“Hypothetical” IT Department Thank You Note.

Dear minions,

Thank you for your work during the last outage, we couldn’t have done it with out you. I just wanted to remind you however, that only a couple of you received outstanding performance reviews. So to the rest of you, while we appreciate your dedication and willingness to give up your weekend, your work was not outstanding. If you are one of the special people who got outstanding, just remember your raise will not be significantly higher then anyone else, because of fairness. Oh, and everyone else in the office thinks your success is over-rated and hates you, because they are jealous.

Publicly we will blame the outage on unforeseeable conditions. As you know however, the reason for the outage was lack of planning and competence from a senior manager. It is important that we don’t blame that individual though, because you underling have no idea what kind of pressure managers are under. We have to make decision that you pay for with hard work and compounding stress levels every single day. And to those of you who think we should move to a more “fact” based decision making process, no one has time to communicate the facts or change the process.

PS. Please take a moment to update me on how you are progressing on your 30 assigned projects today, and I do expect progress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!