I have thought a lot about “success” in my life. Being an Asian-American, my parents always told me the importance of working hard, studying hard, and being “successful.”

But what is what is “success” and how can one achieve it?

Having studied sociology in school— I detrained myself into thinking that “success” was just about having lots of power, wealth, and money. I learned the importance of following my passion, and doing what I loved— and giving a middle-finger to “the man”.

But after I graduated university, I fell into the classic sucker trap. I got a full-time job working in social media marketing/community management, and made a cozy $40,000 a year (plus benefits). Being a broke-ass college student, I thought I was rich. I could now eat more than just ramen, and afford to buy stuff I wanted.

But as time went on, I jumped on the “hedonic treadmill”. Meals that used to make me happy no longer did. I scoffed at the 5-dollar Subway foot-long, and upgraded to $15 lunches on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. My phone and devices were no longer “good enough” — I needed the newest Macbook, iPad, and smartphone.

I saw my co-workers buying new BMW’s and suddenly my car looked like a piece of crap. I needed a new and better car. I needed more money. I needed newer clothes. I needed fancier watches. I needed more power, and a higher position.

I was lucky enough in 2012 to get laid off my job. Like all tech companies, my company (Demand Media) IPO’d and we all thought we were going to be rich. Then the stock started taking a nose-dive, and I got made redundant (along with my boss and tons of members of my team).

I remember that bike-ride home— I felt like I was free. Of course I was stressed from my student loans, how to pay my bills (rent and food), and my credit card debt. But I felt free to live life to the fullest.

I thought about getting another full-time job, but it was Cindy who encouraged me to pursue my passion of street photography— to do it “full-time.”

But who the hell did “street photography” full-time? I didn’t know anyone who made a living out of it. I was told that if I tried to do street photography full-time, I would be literally homeless and on the streets.

But with the love and encouragement of my mom and family, I went for it. I taught a few workshops here and there— so I thought perhaps I could make a living teaching.

I announced on my blog that I got laid off and made a YouTube video. I got hundreds of comments of love and support. I was scared, but I thought “YOLO” (you only live once). What did I have to lose? Worst-case scenario, I could always get another job in social media or move in with my mom (which is actually a good situation, her food is amazing).

That was around 3 years ago. Since then I have been running my street photography blog “full-time” — teaching workshops all around the world. For the first time in my life I have a savings account, and I have the freedom to travel and share my passion with street photography with the rest of the world.

So— am I “successful”?

I look at all these other photographers who made far more money than me, have more social media followers than me, and are more famous than me. I still don’t feel “successful”.

I easily get jealous of other photographers. I wish I could hold big exhibitions like them. I wish I could get books published like them. I wish I was as well-respected as them.

But then I stopped myself and started wondering, how do I define “success” for myself? One night I came up with an answer:

“Success is doing what you love and not being homeless.”

We only have so many hours in the day. Time is the most valuable commodity that we have. Many people I know trade time for money. What’s the point of making $200,000 a year as a wall street banker if you’re working 100 hours a week and not having enough time to do what you love, meeting loved ones, and spreading love?

So at the moment, I am trying to train myself to not worry so much about external recognition. I am starting to ignore negative (and positive) comments I receive, the number of page views I get on my blog, the number of favorites/likes I get on my images. Rather, I am trying to focus on making myself happy— doing what I am passionate about. I am trying to focus more on those who matter to me— my close friends and family. I am trying to dedicate my life not to make as much money as I possibly can— but to share my love of street photography and life with others.

Sometimes I have the fear that I will die young. Who knows, I might get hit by a car. I might get some rare form of cancer. I might one day lose everything I got. I might lose my cameras, my savings account, and all of my physical possessions.

But I know in this worst-case scenario, I know the things I won’t lose:

- The love I shared with those close to me.
- The free articles/videos I published on street photography to share with the world (open source).
- The acts of generosity I gave to people I didn’t know.
- The time I invested with Cindy, my family, and members of my community.
- The laughs, hugs, and stories shared over a nice cup of coffee.

I want to die empty. Die with all of the things I want to share out of my body, out of my mind— and published online.

I try to live everyday like it was my last. The quote that will forever stay with me is from Steve Jobs:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.

Almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

- Steve Jobs