Passion

I ripped this topic from a prominent venture capitalist here in Indianapolis (Sorry Kristian).

Not that I think he’s going to come knocking down my door because I sat down and thought a little more about the speech he gave us at our company’s yearly mission meeting, but just wanted to silence all those thousands of made-up readers in my head.

Pati: Latin for “to suffer”

When I learned — or rather was reminded (I definitely remember Passion of the Christ) — that one of passion’s most true definitions was “to suffer for something,” two things happened. One: I started using the word more correctly because I believe that today’s grammar and word usage is already literally the worst. Two: I started trying to think about what would qualify as something I was actually passionate about. Fortunately I didn’t have to think too hard. I already have a pet project that I’ve had five or ten people tell me that I should just quit. I figured that might be a good place to start.

I’m not sure how long of a conversation it would take with my teenage self to explain the reasons why I donate so much of my time working for a fashion magazine. I was definitely not a good looking kid in my pubescent years. I had no problem wearing the same hoodie to school at least two or three days in a row. I’m not even sure that the past me would understand the love that I have for my city that PATTERN focuses so singularly on. I think I’d eventually maybe be able to convince myself that I wasn’t some terminator trying to change the path of the future, but it might take an hour or two — and probably free dinner at some place.

PATTERN is definitely something that I have suffered for and will continue to do so. It’s not paid, the hours are often long, and the nature of my job as managing editor is stressing about work that other people haven’t completed yet. This work often comes on the weekends and in the nooks and crannies of free time that I find between my 9 to 5 job. It’s a careful tightrope act of giving this magazine enough time that it needs to become reality, without completely alienating myself, the people closest to me, and my job. However, I’ve pretty much narrowed down my focus to a few things. Lesson.ly, PATTERN, and my social life. I’ve learned that’s my limit, and I’m sticking to it.

PATTERN gives me the ability to give back to the city in my own way. I get to go around and cover stories of people, projects, and ideas that are centered around our Circle City. Even with fashion as our focus, we’ve managed to cover everything from athletic sports to music to designers. Indy is a city of a lot of different people. Even as we are all Hoosiers, the city often finds itself confused where its heart is and how it should go about promoting itself to the outside world. As selfish as it sounds, PATTERN is my way of helping to define what that is.

We often have trouble getting people advertise and sponsor our quest here in this sports-centric city. Trust me, the only thing that makes a non-paying project more difficult is when you have to spend some of that time asking for money that goes right back into the project itself. We’re still trying. We’re still trying to change the perception of Indianapolis, the belief that you need to flee for one of the coasts if you want to make it big somewhere. Indianapolis is growing and the opportunities are available for those who really want them and who really want to make their own path. It happened to me and if it can happen to me, there are plenty of other people with more moxie that could do some absolutely amazing stuff within these state lines.

PATTERN’s upcoming Fall/Winter issue will be its tenth. I haven’t been on since the beginning, but that will mean Polina and crew will have been doing this for five years now. That’s a long time to be kicking this magazine down the road and producing something that people say “Oh man, this is super cool!” and when asked if they’d like to donate to keep it going, they give you the same look they give to people standing by the side of the road at interstate off-ramps. It’s a struggle some times. But — and Polina’s told me this plenty of times in the midst of late deadlines — the end product is always worth it. Our little 11x14” magazine is always a gem when I get to hold it in my hands for the first time. And now that I think of it, she could mean more than just the physical product (I could very well be putting words in her mouth).

The end product for Indianapolis if PATTERN is successful? A more well-educated, diverse, and complex culture that offers different paths to a happy life right here in the Midwest. Someone who really wants to design clothes might not have to travel to New York as soon as college is over to pursue their career. Granted, that group of people might not be incredibly large, but who are we to say that it’s not worth offering to them? If Hoosier Hospitality is actually a thing, maybe we should say fuck it and make an effort to keep as many people here as we can.

That sounds like suffering to me.