Photo by Devin Edwards on Unsplash

The Time I Met A Man Accused Of A Sex Crime

There are multiple famous men who have done sexually explicit things, but the stories of them feel different when it’s someone you’ve met

Morgan Freeman.

Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket, the author of “A Series of Unfortunate Events”).

Michael Douglas.

Aziz Ansari.

Stan Lee.

Sylvester Stallone.

We’ve all heard their names before and what each person has in common is over the past few years each man here has committed a sex crime. Some are going through the legal process while others have already settled.

Obviously, all of us will see these men in different lights. Whether we see them on the silver screen, read their books/comics, or just see them.

But yesterday I discovered another name to add to that list. For me, it caused some actual shock.

For sure I know the people I listed above. They’re famous. But I don’t really know them like the man I’ll be talking about next.

His name is Trevor Doyle and on April 3rd, he was accused of sexually enticing a minor. For many people, this man is just some man they never heard of before. He’s a radio host on a radio station out in Canada.

What’s shocking is this man is — now was thanks to these allegations — a radio host of 106.9 Capital FM, a radio station that’s housed in Fredericton, New Brunswick.

The town that I grew up in.

The show I listened to in the morning.

And the man that I met on several occasions when I was with my parents serving coffee on Saturday mornings to a coffee group whenever they needed help.

I’ll admit the relationship I had with this man is pretty small. We did some small talk, he gave me the middle finger as a sort of joke, I listened to his morning show and he was all around a likeable guy.

Never did I think once that he would go to this level. After all, he had a wife and kid (at the time I met him). Not to mention he had a good gig as a radio host and was well liked. He was like a local celebrity having worked there for at least 17 years and he clearly enjoyed working there.

Shortly after high school, I stopped listening to his morning show and Trevor Doyle was a man that I vividly remember at that time. When I think back to him I remember…

Trevor Doyle, the radio host.

Trevor Doyle, the charismatic, young joker my parents pick on.

Never did I think that Trevor Doyle would be a man committing a sex crime.

And my entire reality and perception of this man just shattered in a way that I can’t quite describe.

Now I know the charges aren’t proven yet so maybe the FBI is wrong. But the fact still remains he was in Puerto Rico and he wouldn’t be accused in the first place if he was just some passerby.

The way that the San Juan Child Exploitation Human Trafficking Task Force caught him was precise.

But it’s during these times when you get this information that you go through some different emotions. Like I said, famous people coming out as having committed sex crimes is a shocker. Especially when you’ve engaged in their work.

But this man.

I know this man.

And my entire reality and perception of this man just shattered in a way that I can’t quite describe. And all I’m left with is questions and recalling to the image of this man I once knew.

Did this really just happen?

There must be some kind of mistake?

I’m finding myself conflicted a little.

On one side I kind of want to defend him. My memory of him as a great radio host, a jokester, and all around likeable guy makes me think the charges are all fake.

But I know that that attitude would only further normalize everything that the #MeToo movement stands against. That every person — whether it’s sex crimes committed towards adult men, women or minors — should be gone through the legal system properly regardless of the genders involved.

I recognize that the man I knew back in middle and high school is different from the man who has been accused of a sex crime.

But I feel that this time it’s different. Because the fact is I knew and met this person before in my life.

As an onlooker to all this with little information and never seeing this side of this man, I’m seriously bothered by this…

It gives you a lot to think about should you choose to look into it.

Because once you’re past the overall denial or doubt or hesitation, you’re left with the raw facts and it’s up to you to parse through them. And to deal with the emotions.

That maybe that person you met and knew could end up being accused of a serious sex crime. Hell, potentially being convicted of a serious sex crime.

And for me, while Trevor Doyle is going through the legal process, I’m left with a few questions. Real questions that are worth answering.

What happened after all these years to bring him down this path?

He admitted what he did was wrong but why go through with it anyway?

How long has he really been going at this?

And I’m sure I’ll find some answers to those things. Especially as the proceedings will be going through starting today onward.

But there is also the emotional aspects of all this. Listening to the proceedings, processing what will be said during the trial, and finding some closure to those questions.

As an onlooker to all this with little information and never seeing this side of this man, I’m seriously bothered by this and my first thoughts of this were…

What if this happened to an actual minor?

Has this happened to an actual minor by this man’s words and actions?

If there were actual victims, I can kind of relate to why they are so hesitant to bring up these things.

I haven’t spoken to my parents about this seeing as they knew Trevor Doyle on a more personal level. These sorts of emotions I can only think of akin to how women are reluctant or hesitant to bring up sexual crime allegations to some of the famous people I listed above.

About my sheer reluctance to even write this out let alone publish this work. People might think I’m crazy like how so many women have gone and done this and felt worried that their voiced concerns will actually mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.

But what’s really twisted about all of this is the fact that I wasn’t a victim of these sexual enticements. I’m an onlooker who just happens to know this man.

And I’m a man myself.

And living in a society where I feel like this and realize that this is the world I live in — where people are shunned for talking about sexual crimes — I have to tell myself one thing:

“This is just fucked up.”

The first step to solving a problem is admitting that there is a problem.

And there is seriously a problem with how we treat others around us.

I’m not saying we should be constantly bashing those people or boycott whatever they put out. Instead, it’s important for us to remember that this is something that they did and that they should be paying for it. Whether it be for years or for the rest of their lives.

But above all, we shouldn’t normalize this behaviour. We should feel uneasy about these things and to actually bring them up and talk about them. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve written this out. To process my emotions in the best way I know how whenever I’m dealing with complex emotions.

Because while our realities of certain people are shattered whenever these allegations come up, it’s important to recognize that these people weren’t always like that.

We remember people for their great contributions through fantastic books, memorable films, different ways of thinking, or just fond childhood memories. But then something changed, something happened to them.

And it’s important for us to look at what that change is. Because maybe, just maybe, it might be our own societal norms. The norms that we all push for and allow to be pushed around.