“man standing under building” by Kasper Rasmussen on Unsplash

What To Do When Looking For Approval

The Daily Grind #71

Approval can be a bitch at times. It’s something that can lift us up but also tear us all down. It’s something that we can get addicted to and can ultimately destroy us.

For me, I didn’t seek approval all that much. I’ve lived a life where approval is the least of my worries. Even right now, I’m looking to make my life happy on my own terms and that’s it.

But others are more driven by approval. It’s why so many of us cling to social media and care so much about the likes and shares. For me, that concept is foreign to me in most cases.

Whether you are someone like me who doesn’t seek much or no approval or someone that depends on it, this post is for you.

For The Non-Seekers

I can understand why so many are turned off by approval. They go off and do their own thing and don’t care whether people like it or not. But at the end of the day, there is always some level of approval they need.

We’re humans after all and there is always some level of approval that’s needed. We are still self conscious about how others perceive us. Whether we push people away with our personality or don’t really show it, deep down we still feel the need to be approved and accepted.

Our basic human needs are to be in a warm, dry place, but to also have food, water, and someone who loves us. That’s not going to change no matter what kind of person we are.

You don’t need to be depending on approval, however, there is nothing wrong with actively seeking some. Take some time to show appreciation in your own way.

For The People In Between

For people like me who don’t depend on it and understand they need it, there is still more that can be sought out for us. For me, I’ve been focusing on the approval that counts. That being said, my standards for that approval have always been low.

As a writer, the greatest approval for me is someone who reads my work. It’s a pretty low bar and I do that on purpose. It’s because I know approval isn’t everything.

As mentioned above, there are more things in life that are our basic needs. We don’t need to get by with solely approval. We need those other elements in order to survive and feel fulfilled.

It’s for this reason why my priorities are so low, at least in terms of approval. I only need so much in order to continue to pursue what it is I’m hoping to achieve some day. Whether I have hundreds or thousands of people, I won’t be complaining.

While some people can argue that this low desire for approval is weak, I believe it’s a better standard than acting like you don’t care for other peoples well being. It’s also better than being completely hooked to it like so many others.

At the end of the day, you want to be setting that approval bar in a spot where you feel will keep you moving. That’s what you really want to be doing when you are looking for approval.

For Those Who Are Addicted To It

For the addict who’s “livelihood depends on how many likes they get” it’s important to look at what’s driving this behaviour. For many, it’s social media and by this point, it might be time to have a detox of social media.

There is nothing wrong with that and in today’s society where so many of us are on social media, it can be tough.

But this level of approval seeking can also be dangerous if we are striving to be an entrepreneur. The reason being is there will be a lot of resistance from various people.

From parents to our peers, it can be difficult for us to gain the approval of others that are close to us when we do something like this. I’ve also talked recently how bystanders can even drag you down sometimes.

At the end of the day, you want to be setting your bar for approval lower. To do that, I feel you need to be looking at yourself and why you have that attachment in the first place. It’s also key to know why you are giving up on certain things.

I know in the past I’ve deleted Youtube channels for the sole reason I wasn’t getting the views I wanted. After the birth of my current channel, I promised myself no matter what, I wasn’t about to delete this channel over crummy stats.

That started the foundation for the low approval I need to stay motivated on my work.

Set The Bar Your Way

How much approval you need is up to you, but to find it comes down to a lot of exploration. Take your time with it as it’s not always so easy. It took me two channels and about a year to really find my desires for approval and others can take longer.

So go at your own pace. You’ll find it.

To your growth!

Eric S Burdon

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