A Will to My Shitty Kids

All my assets ($3,750,288.13) to be distributed among my sons (Joel, Aaron, Brian) after:

  • November road trip visiting the National Parks: Yellowstone, Everglades, Big Bend, Acadia, Denali, Yosemite
  • Spreading my ashes at each park
  • Sons must be inseparable for entirety
  • No other transportation permitted
  • My lawyer will accompany, validating completion

Failure will result in assets to be distributed to the following:

  • Lacy Lintner (Aaron’s ex wife)
  • Ken Gravitz (Brian’s ex boss)
  • Jeremy Michael (Joel’s ex bully)

You fuckers didn’t get along during my lifetime so here’s a great time to start.