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Hey Pat,

It sounds like you’ve been pretty badly hurt, so for that I am sorry.

Here’s my personal stats: 4 out of 6 men I’ve dated have cheated. Because “the opportunity was there” “I knew it was wrong but I wanted it” “it was just so easy” “I was drunk” specifically. That’s an 80% stat of men being jerks. However, many men are not.

I’m currently pretty much the luckiest woman in the world. I’m dating a kind, funny, smart, kind man who is also a brilliant communicator, is committed to being his best, and loves me well. Our relationship works because I’m also deeply committed to being my best, loving him well and putting him and his needs first. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it doesn’t. He puts my needs first too. Maybe we work well because we both listen and we both love. Maybe it’s because we are both passionate about setting each other up to succeed.

I don’t think there’s a formula for what any man or any woman can offer exactly because everyone is different, regardless of whether they are male or female. I cook for him because I’m good at it, he helps me with lifting heavy stuff because he’s Steiger than me, I make a quiet peaceful space for him to study because he needs it and it matters to me, he brings me a cute notebooks because he knows I like to scribble notes down as I go, I give him massages because I’m qualified to do so and he needs it, he makes me laugh after hard days at work, I iron his shirts, he plays with my cat, I listen to him, he listens to me, I know how to make his bad days better and he knows how to make mine better.

Some other man might fix his woman’s car and some other woman might paint her man a picture. I can’t paint and he can’t fix cars. The point is every individual can bring something good to the table.

I hope you find that too.

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