I’m Bingeing The Princess Switch So You Don’t Have To (But you probably should)

First Up: A (Mildly) Feminist Princess Tale

Before we begin, a warning. There ARE spoilers ahead. But if you can’t guess how this ends by reading the synopsis, well…

Welcome to the first installment of Terrible Holiday Movie reviews! This week, I watched The Princess Switch. For the second time.

Where you can watch this: Netflix

This movie in a nutshell: It’s basically The Parent Trap: Christmas Edition. But without the terrifying separating twins at birth thing. But with some Meghan-Harry vibes added in there. Plus, there ARE a lot of kind-of-weird-but-also-kind-of-working suit separates, fake British accents, and obviously, a secret handshake.

I binged this while eating chocolate chips straight out of the bag, but if you’re making a night of this, the movie calls for hot cocoa and holiday cookies.

In my intro to this experiment, I discussed how I’d be judging these movies on a Holiday Scale. Here’s how this one held up:

• The Heroine. Okay, so in this case, we have two heroines, Stacy De Novo and Lady Margaret, the Duchess of Montenarro. Stacy is a single, uptight but kind, baker from Chicago and Lady Margaret is, well, a Duchess. But she’s also spunky, up for an adventure, and engaged to Prince Edward of Belgravia. The real heroine of this movie, however, is Vanessa Hudgens. She’s funny, she’s sincere, and she does a great job of saying the word schedule with a British accent. I’m officially on Team Vanessa. Plus 1 Nice point for this.

Hudgens as Stacy on the left and Margaret on the right.

• On the plus side, we get our Otherworldly Element right from the get-go, which allows nicely for settling into this world. Stacy is wandering forlornly down the street in Chicago and happens upon an older gentleman (played by a Mr.Bean look-a-like) who asks her what she wishes for Christmas. When she replies that she’d like someone to spend it with, he sets us off on the rules of the world with the words, “Christmas wishes have been known to come true.” Keep reading to get the weird, creepy downside. Despite this, I kind of liked the element, so I’m giving it a Nice point.
• Love Triangle, YOU GUYS. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS ONE? We have hit the motherload of love triangles. Try to keep up:
  (1) Margaret is engaged to Edward but falls in love with Kevin, who thinks she’s Stacy.
  (2) Stacy is in love with Edward, who is engaged to Margaret.
  (3) Kevin is in love with Margaret, although he thinks she’s Stacy, which is INSANELY confusing because, in the plot of this movie, the real Stacy has zero feelings for Kevin and will never.
  (4) Edward is in love with Stacy, who he thinks is Margaret, the woman to whom he is engaged.

DID YOU GET THAT? Here’s the TLDR version: Vanessa Hudgens plays two different women. Who swap places. And then fall in love with the men in the other women’s lives. In two days. Because…magic? Maybe. Because both men are insanely attractive and incredibly nice? Yeah, okay. More like it. Yep, you guessed it. Nice point.

• If you’re thinking things are going too well so far for a review with the word “Terrible” in the title, don’t worry, I’ve got you. Let’s talk about this Illogical Timeline. We’ll start with the fact that THIS ENTIRE LOVE STORY PLOTLINE OCCURS IN TWO DAMN DAYS. THAT’S NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO DECIDE IF I WANT TO KEEP A PAIR OF SHOES LET ALONE A PARTNER. GAH.

But that’s not the only crazy timeline in this movie. For all of the crap that Kevin gives Stacy about her lack of spontaneity, I am here to say, THIS TIMELINE MAKES ME BREAK OUT INTO A COLD SWEAT. The entire movie kicks off with Kevin and his daughter Olivia surprising Stacy, who is a freaking small business owner with a cross-Atlantic trip to the magical (apparently well known ??) country of Belgravia to participate in an Internationally Renowned BAKING COMPETITION. (This is the weakest plot point, but likeeee, I also get that they had to make the trip for some reason.) All I’m saying it, CUT HER SOME SLACK. That’s an insane thing to spring on a BAKER RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. The insanity of this puts this plot point on the Naughty list.

• But enough of that. Let’s talk about the Dramatic Setting, Once again this movie seriously delivers as it actually takes MORE THAN ONE DRAMATIC LOCALE:
  First, we start in Chicago, a specific large city (with measurable snowfall) (as we’ll be reminded all film by the TERRIBLE gift shop hat Stacy wears to… cover up her wig? Ugh.)
  Then we move to Belgravia, completely made up an insanely-named small country (with measurable snowfall)

What more could you ask for?? Great news! Although we never travel there, Lady Margaret is from the made-up small town of Montenarro of which its measurable snowfall is spoken about at length. Another nice point here.

But not in Montenarro, it’s much warmer back home.

I thought you had a terrible snowstorm last winter.

We did. Terrible. Dreadful, really. But we have heated stables.

• Moving on to what, for me, is the creepiest part of the story, but unfortunately is also the thing that kind of makes it allll work. And that’s our All-knowing Spirit Guide. Remember the dude from the Otherworldly Element bullet? Yeah, well he’s also our spirit guide. But what is this man’s motive? Why does he want Stacy and Margaret to be happy and in love? Did he grant anyone else’s wish on the street in Chicago this Christmas season? Does he just love love? How do random people like the Prince and the Queen just start speaking with him at random and not question his presence? Is he on their payroll? WHAT DOES HE WANT? WILL HE STAR IN THE SEQUEL? I need details and unfortunately, I don’t think I’m getting them. Not into this. No nice point here.
• Now here comes the important bit. Did the YES work for me? Drumroll please… YES. Despite all the insanity of the timeline, I was very into this proposal. For two reasons: (1) Stacy and Edward decide to wait a year to get married. I mean in this world, that’s a nice, healthy engagement. (2) Margaret and Kevin don’t actually get engaged… at least at the same time. YES. I’m giving a nice point here.

Okay, bonus points time:

• Have I mentioned that you’re going to get a shirtless Kevin about halfway through? Because you do. And it’s worth watching for. (Hot take from my gal pal, he looks like Young Barack Obama. I have to agree.) This gains the movie a Nice Point.
• I’m giving VH a bonus Nice point here because she honestly was fantastic is this
• I’m giving a Naughty point for the most RANDOM plotline, the “villain” at the baking competition. It fell into a trope of women hating other women for no reason.
• Without giving too much away, I really enjoyed the battle between Margaret’s maid and Edward’s driver. The gags were delightful. DELIGHTFUL, DO YOU HEAR ME. One more Nice point.
• Another reason this movie really wins is that Margaret and Stacy are both strong-minded, intelligent, talented women. As is Olivia TBH. And then men are kind of worth falling for. They treat the women well (although Edward needs some schooling at first, he really comes around.) So this movie is honestly fantastic for a 2018 audience. Stacy (as Margaret) is described as:

The Duchess is a strong-minded woman.
Just what the prince needs.

I’m into this. NIIIIICE.

• Also, can I shout out to Netflix for promoting both A Christmas Prince and Christmas Inheritance during this movie? Definitely brilliant, definitely going to cover these movies in this series. I’m impressed, but no point here. It’s just fun.

Nice Points Total = 10
Naughty Points Total = 3

The final review? The math shows this movie lands on my Nice List. It’s fun to watch, the plot is suspend-your-disbelief(able), and it gave me hope I can still live out my dream of becoming a princess after all, as Stacy says:

The most important thing about being a princess is caring about people, and if you do that, then you’re a princess in your heart.

Enjoy! Next up: The Christmas Wedding Planner. Comment below with what you want me to add to my queue.