Lost in Transition: I Started HRT Today
I took my first big medical step into transition today and it opened up an anxiety relief valve.
For those who haven’t read some of my other articles, I’ve had issues with gender dysphoria from a very young age. Since the first time I heard what my real name was supposed to be I wondered, “Was there an option?…Did I do something wrong?” I have been dissatisfied with my body and how I move through the world for as far back as I can remember. Growing up in a rural environment where the other F word was thrown around like rice at a wedding, I didn’t feel safe being different. I stuffed everything deep down and tried to deny who I was…This was not very successful.
Dysphoria has been a mainstay for me and I’ve discovered recently with the help of therapy and a lot of thinking, it was a major factor in why I was depressed all of the time. Coming to grips with my identity took a while but it saved my life, not in the sense that I was considering self harm but more in the sense of if you spend weeks at a time in bed with only small moments of contentment, are you really living?
I came out to my partner about my condition a little over four years ago. She gently tried to push me into therapy to explore further. I ignored her suggestion, deciding I would just sit with my feelings for a while before making any major decisions. Sit I…
