I Don’t Want to Believe
“If the doors of perception were cleansed,
everything would appear to man as it is
- infinite.”
― William Blake
Out of the eternal mouth
we arrive.
Who are we?
Who are you?
How much of your mind do you own?
Have you ever sat alone in the dark,
devoid and unplugged from the web
of constant stimulation & cheap
distractions that eat up so much
of your time, and really
thought about what
you believe in?
What if your beliefs
were shoved into your
head at a very early
age in an attempt to
prevent you from
becoming your
true self?
As the Jesuits proclaimed
many years ago, give us
your child for the first
7 years, and we’ll have
them for life.
And it’s true.
Since my high-chair days
it’s been pounded in my head
to believe, just believe,
believe, believe.
In Sunday school, with my vulnerable
mind in the hands of the devout, I
was taught that I only had to
believe in a particular story
of the past and I’d ride life
straight to immortality.
BELIEVE
or die.
BELIEVE
or die.
BELIEVE
or die.
No need to fear death, they
told me, all you have to do
is believe.
No need to think or doubt or
question. Just believe.
Believe — after many years
of unlearning and relearning,
I just couldn’t help but ask
what does it actually mean
to believe?
Does it mean to assume the improbable
in the face of contrary evidence?
Does it mean not wanting to know
what is true?
Can we define belief as an “assumed truth”
to help gratify our yearning for an
afterlife, or immortality, or heaven?
The truth is — I don’t want to believe.
I want to know.
And if it’s unknowable,
I want to roam, like a
demented nomad, in the
foreign fields of its mystery,
exploring all theories,
possibilities, concepts,
and ideas that might
reveal a hint of
the sublime.
I don’t like the idea of belief
because with every belief
comes a disbelief
in some greater aspect
of existence.
If you’re tightly wound-up
in a religious belief, a belief
usually born out of the geographical
area you were randomly born
into, all the big questions are pretty
much answered, and you tend to stop
thinking and dreaming and pondering
about the enchanting wonder of this
13.8 billion-year-old universe
that we know very little about.
I don’t want to become trapped
in the graveyard of certainty
and spurious conclusions, sitting
comfortably numb in the dark,
forever cut off from opposing
and conflicting concepts.
I don’t want to condense our infinite
universe into the rigid confines
of an ancient belief system.
I don’t want to get sucked into the
dead world of duality where we
erect walls of our own prison
to keep out the “others.”
It’s all wrong. This isn’t how it’s
supposed to be. It’s just another
cultural trap I want no part in.
I want to be free to expand
my own consciousness without the
condemning eye of ancient creeds
and angry gods.
I want the freedom to explore my own soul
and to possibly discover the endless and
wondrous treasures gifted to us by
an ever-expanding universe.
I don’t want to be shackled
to the past in exchange for a
naive belief in afterlife rewards.
We’ve been accustomed to look at ourselves
as fallen creatures, exiled from paradise,
in need of redemption. And we look to the
outside for a savior instead of where
it truly resides- the kingdom within.
That’s the problem with the world.
We’re too afraid or too taught
to think beyond good and evil -
beyond what we’ve swallowed
as reality, as moral truths.
We’re conditioned to readily
hurl ourselves into the cold
dark cellar of belief
without a slither
of doubt.
It’s all wrong.
I want to live wildly
and exotically
with free-flying souls
in great meadows
of the unknown.
That’s where it’s at.
Can’t you see that the only reality
is the one contained within us?
The divine lives with you.
The divine lives in you.
This is the secret the great
sages have tried to teach us.
But we’ve misread them. We’ve poisoned
the great myths of life and love
by literally perceiving the
metaphors and allegories as
facts and actualities.
We’ve externalized what was meant
to be internalized, diminishing
the profound message
that was meant to help us
flourish
during our brief
time here.
Instead, we’ve used our
religious beliefs to divide,
to war, to kill, to hate,
to suppress our desires
and to dwindle our lives
in the here and now.
This is death.
This is hell.
But it’s not too late
to rethink what you
think you know.
There’s freedom just beyond
our self-imposed
limitations.
As Proust reminds us,
“the real voyage of discovery
consists not in seeking new
landscapes, but in having
new eyes.”
So close your eyes and descend,
and let the sacred plants
of the earth help you
get far enough in.
Find that cosmic silence.
Then listen, listen carefully
so you can hear that solemn
whisper of the unconscious.
If you’re willing, it will
guide you out of the
cultural snare
and onto the steep
front steps of the
golden door.
It’s then, and only then,
you will have unlearned
enough to finally discover
that temple of truth
that lies on the
other side.
Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at the following:
Blog: https://erikrittenberry.wordpress.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/erik.rittenberry
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erik_rittenberry/