More from the Anonymouse

Erik Schmidt
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

We’ve all read the NYT op-ed from the anonymous White House appointee who not-so-courageously declared that he or she was working in concert with other not-so-courageous individuals to keep 45’s worst instincts from destroying our great republic.

But the Times didn’t publish an earlier, somewhat less polished draft submitted by the Anonymouse who (sort of) roared. I present it here in its entirety:


I wanted to work for the Trump White House because I thought Trump was a useful tool who would advance my career while furthering causes I believe in, like the drowning of the federal government (other than ICE and the DoD, of course). It was my understanding when entering the job that I and other like-minded individuals would be able to keep Trump in line. After all, he’s a frakking idiot, while my colleagues and I are some of the smartest people in the world.

We now see that Trump’s infantile behavior is more dangerous than we expected. It’s actually a meaningful impediment to those twin long-term goals of advancing our careers and advancing liberty. And by liberty I mean permanent gerrymandered GOP control of all branches of government.

I am writing on our behalf to let the American people know that we are righteous, that we are fighting the good fight. I write this not to aggrandize myself and my colleagues. Wait, strike that. I do write this to aggrandize myself and my colleagues.

Anyway, here’s the deal: If Trump goes down in flames and in handcuffs, we want to establish reasonable doubt up front about who aided and abetted, and who just abetted. Being regarded as a person who fought for some basic standards of competence is a worse fate than being known as someone who helped a competent administration do great things, but it’s a much better fate than being associated with the likes G. Gordon Liddy in the annals of history.

Also, we’re too gutless to actually come out of the shadows and declare publicly that Trump is a moronic crook. Here’s why: doing so would also be tacit admission that we’re stupid. We were drawn in by proximity to power and the rush of helping Trump siphon money from the public trust to the wealthiest Americans, all while Making America White Again. I mean, come on. If that’s not a powerful lure, I don’t know what is. We let that heady brew cloud our judgment. And admitting you’re wrong is just not OK in 2018. It’s better to lie in public, pick and choose when you wish to abide by your oath of office, and write anonymous op-ed pieces than it is to admit a mistake and take a moral stand.

Because if the election of Trump has shown my colleagues and I anything, it’s that if you want to bask in the glow of all that power, the last thing you want to do is adhere to principles.

I have also recognized that there are circumstances in which this coddling the toddler routine might slip from our control and something catastrophic might happen. Unfortunate as that would be for regular people, it would be even worse if the blowback hit me square in the face, which could seriously jeopardize my cultivation of Fortune 500 board seats and a 7-figure partner position down the road. With any luck, my half-assed attempt to cover my reputation will keep me and my family protected if and when the storm comes.

Ω

Entrepreneurial product manager investigating the intersection of business, design, technology, and society. All opinions are my own.

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