Forever Changed

I filled the black, empty grocery basket with everything I could think, but avoided what I came for. The weight soon filled and the wire handles dug deep into the crook of my elbow. I was embarassed then and I am embarrassed still. I grabbed what I came for and looked for a female checkout clerk. I unloaded my items carefully onto the conveyor belt: Bananas, chapstick, shampoo, bread, pregnancy test, apples, toilet paper …
“How are you tonight Miss?”

“Fine, thanks”- avoiding all eye contact

“Paper or Plastic?”


Beep, Beep, Beep, BEEEEP (scanning items)she looks at me … I look like I am 15, but really I am 23. I want to tell her that I’m not a teenager.

“Have a nice night”

“Thanks, you too”

My upstairs, quirky studio apartment is still and the windows are blackened from the night sky. I head to the toilette and pee on the stick. I know it will be negative.

What should take 5 minutes takes 30 seconds. There are clearly two pink lines. A positive test.

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