Happy Valentine’s Day

Mushy mush and other stuff

I don’t feel like I’m a classic romantic and I don’t think I’m particularly affectionate or lovey-dovey, either. Red roses and public displays of affection just aren’t my thing. Some people love that stuff, and more power to them, but it’s just not me. I’d rather be adventuring and laughing and not dressed up. All this is to say that it doesn’t come naturally to gush about ES and our relationship. But, I’m fiercely proud of us and what we’ve built together and I’m still in love after all these years, so I feel like I should step out of my comfort zone and declare my love for all to see. ES asked me to be his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day in 2001 and we said ‘I Do’ on February 28, 2009. So we’ve shared about 15 years together (give or take some break up time) and have been married almost seven. That deserves some mushy feelings, right?

In honor of our anniversaries, here are 15 qualities that I have learned to love, value and cherish. ES is:

1. Funny as hell. He has such a quick wit and dry sense of humor and can find humor pretty much anywhere. I love watching him make my friends and family laugh. One time a friend told me that humor is a major defense against any kind of trouble and I wholeheartedly agree. Oh, and he laughs at my jokes, too.

2. Smart as hell. Humor and intelligence are kind of tied for me in my most desired traits in a mate. You’re not really hilarious unless you’re smart, too. ES is well-read and has a great memory. He’s awesome at visual-spatial tasks, is a great writer and super creative. He stimulates my brain — nothing sexier than that.

3. Enthusiastic about little things. ES is genuinely excited and enthusiastic about all of our big and little wins. I learned how to do a tiny french braid by my face (example below) and was really excited about it. I interrupted ES watching TV to show him and he was super excited for me. Seriously. It’s the little gestures, people. Whether or not he actually cares about my hair accomplishments doesn’t matter — this exchange was essentially me asking for his attention and for him to engage with me. 95% of the time, he plays the game and we’re stronger for it.

4. A forgiver and a forgetter. This quality is one that doesn’t come naturally to me and has always really impressed me. ES’s dad made some bad choices early in ES’s life and most people would hold a grudge. ES was rightfully pissed for a while, but was able to move past it. He has genuinely forgiven his dad. I’ve done some pretty shitty things to ES in the past 15 years and he’s always truly forgiven me. And the forgiveness is 100% — he’s not a person who will bring up your past indiscretions just to be a dick. Thanks, ES, I appreciate that.

5. Passionate. I’m not talking passion in a romantic sense, I’m way too prude to discuss our sex life on the internet. I’m talking the kind of passion where you stick up for your beliefs even when it’s uncomfortable. ES is mild and reserved sometimes, but he will never back down from an argument. I admire that because normally when people start talking politics, religion or policy I quietly fade into the background if I disagree and have a raging conversation in my brain about how I think all those people are wrong. He has a way of mixing humor in where it doesn’t feel as adversarial. Also, he’s just good at arguing. Shoulda been a lawyer, ES.

6. Honest. ES will never, ever try to act like something he’s not. He doesn’t hide his background or make excuses for decisions he’s made in the past, even if they’re not choices he would counsel his own kids to make. It’s so bad ass to just own up to who you are. Also, I feel like he’s always honest with me about almost everything.

7. A caretaker. ES has taken care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself so many times. He’s helped me go through the motions of life while dealing with major depression. He’s hauled my ass to Emergency Room while I barfed into a bucket every 30 seconds sitting next to him with ZERO complaint. He made me flan from scratch when I had surgery. He’s a much better and more compassionate nurse than me and this nurturing extends to our friends and animals.

8. Adventurous. Hey ES, wanna go skydiving / play in a volcano / make a rap album? He’d say yes, I’m sure. He’s so damn flexible — if the chance comes up to do something cool, he’ll almost always take it. He’s not afraid to travel new places or scared of what hypothetical bad thing could happen. His risks aren’t stupid ones, they’re ones that make life a little more colorful and bright.

9. Optimistic. This one is so important. He’s confident everything will be fine and I NEED that confidence sometimes. Whenever I worry, he tells me everything will work out. And it always has.

10. Committed and loyal. I have never worried about him stepping out or cheating. Ever. And I know he has my back, even when I’m wrong. He would never throw me under the bus. His loyalty is kind of super-human and I know I need to be mindful not to abuse it.

11. Tolerant — to a point. ES tolerates a lot from me. I mean, we’re all imperfect humans, it’s not like I’m a raging psychopath, but he puts up with his fair share of idiosyncrasies. I’m grateful that, at a point, he’ll call me on my shit. I kind of hate it in the moment, but we all need that person who knows us well enough to tell us we’re acting like first-rate assholes and we need to cut it out.

12. Supportive of me and my life. I ride horses, go on girls’ vacations, have a job that keeps me away and come up with crazy little experiments like No Spend January. ES is always on board and is genuinely happy when I succeed or get to do the things that bring me joy. He’s never jealous of how I spend my time. How many people can say that about their partner? Incredible.

13. Great to my family. In laws can be tricky, but ES has always been so great with parents and my extended family. He’s survived trips to middle-of-nowhere Indiana and hung out with farmers and had a great time. He’s been to Cancun with me and my parents. He was over at my family’s house all the time when we were dating. They all tease him and he teases them back. He always helps out my parents with their IT problems and projects. He puts up with a lot and I love him for it.

14. Handsome ES is pretty hot, if I do say so myself. He’s got great eyes, nice muscles and great hair. I thought he was attractive when I met him back in 1999. I still think the same thing :)

15. Handy. ES worked in construction and was always working on cars when he was younger. He can build things. When I come up with projects, he can make them with his own two hands (and power tools). He can fix my car, my bike, install irrigation and lighting, build sheds and build furniture. I am seriously lucky.

I love you ES, and I’m grateful for all of you. Happy Valentinesiverary!