Can Spiritual and Self-Help Systems Create Programming?
You might have heard that in order to get back to your authentic self, you just need to get rid of programming and find your core essence. This is where everything is promised to be effortless, magnetic, and where manifestations flow to you.
That’s only partly true and comes with a lot of caveats.
Another way to put this is: this process is like a video game. Once you figure out and master a level, there’s a whole new level to start over at.
I’m going to date myself here: there are tools to help you that are like the secret codes that used to come in Nintendo Magazine that you could use to skip levels in (the best game ever) Legend of Zelda. Yes, I grew up in the late 80’s and early 90’s when video games were new and all the rage. Even then, I loved solving problems and learning in the most efficient way. So, when I learned about “hacks” to understand yourself like Human Design, Astrology, Manifestation, Akashic Records- I was all about collapsing time in the quest to get into alignment and live this life of ease and flow.
I’m an Aries. I have a lot of fire in my chart. My north node is in Virgo. I’m impatient. I have a lot of workaholic and perfectionist tendencies. It’s interesting that so much of my childhood trauma and programming is around these things. Learning about Human Design and that I was a Projector was shocking because it was the complete opposite way of how I was programmed to live by my family and society AND the strongest tendencies and characteristics in my natal chart. I took Human Design very seriously because at the time it came into my life, I was a total mess. My adrenals were fried, I was 40 pounds overweight, I was completely stuck and overworking in a career I didn’t resonate with, I had a string of bad relationships, shallow friendships and poor coping mechanisms. It made sense that perhaps I was not living the way I was designed to- especially since I had tried “everything else” to get healthy. In reality- I tried everything besides actually looking at myself.
I started to do a lot off inner child and shadow work and got the root of a lot of my issues. Through a series of events, I was manifested 6 months off and really dove into to changing my life. Through genetics and nutrigenomic testing, I learned how to eat for my body. I leaned into the Projector life and rested a lot. Within two months, all of my health issues went away and for the first time in 5 years, I felt healthy, had more energy and was at a normal weight. This was mostly from removing a lot of foods I was eating (like tons of fats) that were burdening my liver and screwing up my hormones. But, I cannot discount that much of my healing also came from learning how to rest and utilize my innate energy.
I started to teach people about using nutrigenomic testing to also get their health in order. I noticed in working with clients and just in conversations with people about what I did, there was a heavy amount of programming around working harder, working out too much, and being obsessed about certain foods. I could see in other people where they had been programmed and how to get them out of it. Especially in clients with hormone issues and where people were clearly going against their genetics of what to eat and how to workout because they were scared of not eating Paleo or doing HIIT workouts.
I’m the type of person that leads both by example and my medical and scientific background. I’ve been through everything I teach my clients. I also have 20 years of experience in genetics, counseling, and healthcare. I preach about not following someone else’s plan and using your unique wellness code. I wholeheartedly believe in this. We are all so different and your health and well-being is just so much easier when you are living within your design and following your genetics.
I felt like I was personally doing this for over a year- things were flowing, life felt easy. I was never stressed. My health was great without much effort. Then- out of nowhere- a new level appeared. Things started to get stagnant. I started to have some big challenges with boundaries and money come up. I know when things start repeating over and over again that’s a sign something is out of alignment for me and/or something that is coming up to be healed.
I had an intuitive randomly offer to help me for free and from her I learned where I was leaking energy and not having boundaries. She also was the first person to tell me I didn’t need to follow anyone’s rules and could do things my way. As I started to really delve into working with the Akashic Records, these themes popped up again and again. I kept getting quiet messages to be more in my Aries. Simultaneously, I noticed a lot of disempowering messaging around being a Projector. I started to really dive deep into this. I could feel myself getting stuck again in my life and with money and knew there was something beneath what was going on. My records kept reinforcing a lot about being an Aries, but I wasn’t fully hearing it. Finally, in a session they flat out came through my reader and asked what parts of myself I had been abandoning? My immediate answer was I felt like I had taken on programming of being a Projector. My records concurred and I had a huge emotional reaction to this realization. That’s how I knew it was a deep problem.
I set aside a time to work through this over the upcoming weekend. Interestingly, that Friday I had a chance conversation with a very masculine Aries that turned into how unstructured my business was. It was eye-opening how much I was relying on the feminine to run a business. He asked about his astrology and human design. I knew he would be a generator. I had a pretty good idea of what would be in his natal chart. He’s an Aries Sun and a Leo rising just like me. Instead of me just giving my own interpretation of what these signs mean for me, I started to read about them from an outside perspective. I had this huge realization that I was not embodying either of these things completely.
Essentially, I was making myself small and not really tapping into my energy and potential. I quickly dug deep on this one. There were two sets of programming I had taken on and had a lot of limiting beliefs and fear. The first was all the rhetoric around being a Projector. I get that Projectors have different energy and do not have a sacral, and need to work smarter not harder. The 60 hour work week is not for a Projector. I definitely had to decondition form that life. Some of the information around Projectors takes it too far and quite frankly, some of the teachings around this make it seem like Projectors have to be in bed all day resting and cannot exist in society. They CAN’T work more than a few hours a day, can’t exercise, have to always eat clean, will always have adrenal problems and illnesses so better not get stressed out and should just sit around waiting.
There are many HD readers who preach about Projectors eating plant-based, grazing, not needing to eat much, eating as clean as possible, avoiding caffeine, avoid fasting, animal protein and fats, and alcohol. I know this “Projector Diet” couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve had Projectors as clients and looked at their Nutrigenomics. I’ve had Projectors that actually need animal-based protein and have become very sick when being mostly Vegan. Projectors that actually can process and need a lot of fats to optimize their health. Projectors that do very well with intermittent fasting. Projectors that can metabolize caffeine well and actually need it to reduce stress. That’s just looking at HD type and nothing else. For myself- I’m mostly Pitta and have a lot of fire in my chart. I could never survive just grazing all day on a Vegan diet. This realization about diet brought me to really question a lot of information that is given to Projectors.
For me, I have a lot of fire in my chart that I was not embracing or embodying because it was going against the Projector “rules” of rest and waiting around for everything. I could feel how this was so against my natural fiery nature and being so passive blew up in my face in partnerships, friendships and my business. I was terrified of working more than a few hours a day, initiating ANYTHING, enjoying food and wine, and doing any exercise beyond yoga and walking.
I realized I was actually exhausted from being a Projector and not living my life to the fullest. Not living up to my energetic potential. Being terrified that I would get adrenal fatigue again. Luckily, I had great MG remind me that I’m a different person now and could not go back to that. Also that suppressing my natural abilities and desires is what could make me get sick again.
I don’t believe in using just one system for anything, so those that only preach about how someone “should be” based on just their human design type are doing people a huge disservice. There’s so much more than just where you are on the 5 types in Human Design.
My friend Katie Calder who does HD and Astrology and is an MG told me that Projectors have the most variability of any type. She reinforced that every Projector is so different. I’m sure this holds true for all the types. I have MG and Generator clients who are so prone to stress and health issues based on their genetics- yet- many HD professionals preach that these types have access to endless amounts of energy.
My dear friend and reader Pilar Lesko breaks down this difference by referencing different archetypes and how they are interpreted. I’m paraphrasing her deep metaphysical view. Essentially, we all have different parts in ourselves and things we pick up from the outside world that mold us into who we are. This is a dynamic process and is not black and white. Pilar gives the example of the interpretation of the “Queen Archetype”. She says this could manifest or appear as the Queen of England or Beyonce. Both interpreted as Queens but very different presentations. Pilar continues and goes on to use the Astrological Aries Archetype as an example. Aries Sun has a very strong energy. However, each Aries will act out that archetype differently because that archetype is being activated within their unique consciousness and blueprint.
Essentially, no two people are ever the same and a person is not meant to stay the same forever. Pilar also hosted a recent webinar where a few fellow fire-y Projectors expressed a a lack of resonance with Projector rhetoric and rules. She explained that a Projector with a lot of fire and earth in their natal chart presents differently than a Projector with mostly water and air in their chart. She also compared different profile lines and contraindications within an HD chart, across natal charts and personality types.
Bottom line: Not every Projector is meant to be an introvert, lay in bed all day just getting up to graze on produce. There’s so much more that makes up a person that just their human design type. Opposing energies are not a bad thing. There’s a reason for them and they can and should be utilized.
In summary, embody all of you. The tighter you cling to only one specific thing, the harder it is to let go and grow beyond it.
I teach this to my clients, but for a while I was not doing this myself. I let Projector rhetoric and programming get the best of me and actually take me away from my authentic self.
Balance is so important. I started leaning back into my Aries and my Leo. Really honoring those parts of me. Within a week, my energy is off the charts and people and situations are magnetizing to me. I feel more alive than I have in months. Something I always preach is you don’t know how good you can feel until you are in alignment.
