Reflections on the Devil

Erin Faith Allen
Oct 15 · 3 min read

🔥🔥🔥🖤🖤🖤🔥🔥🔥

Once upon a time

When I would expand

Into my full potential

As an artist

A lover

A writer

A human

A woman

I experienced

The burning shame

Of my skin on fire

Held in a smackdown

HARD

Pushed underground

Eaten alive.

Destroyed.

.

Big love? NO

Big art? NO

Big book publication? NO

Big friendship? NO

Big voice? NO

Big f***ing desire? NO

.

The NO

aka Hades

Was the hell inherited

From the sulfur memories of

A long gone / still here home

Embedded

Like lava in my veins.

Stay small, or else

Don’t speak, or else

DO NOT SHINE OR ELSE

Stay meek

Mild af

Stay in the corners

Dull your roar

Doggy paddle in tepid waters

You are a bad girl

The devil is going to get you

God doesn’t love you

Nobody loves you

So

Play dead

Rot away in the quiet hell

Where you are not even welcome

At the hearth of the devil himself.

.

So I did.

.

Fast forward

To my world of connections

And my intimacy with myself

And how they mirrored my brimstone smallness back to me

Every glass slipper

Brought a cloven shoe

To DROP

To smash my expansiveness

To send me back to Hell

If I dared expose the Heaven-sent genius that I am

.

(That we all are, btw)

(I’m writing this for you)

(You’ve got a devil or two gnawing at you, too)

.

My genius is:

MY BIG FAT F***CKING YES TO LIFE ITSELF

TO LOVE

TO DESIRE

TO KNOWLEDGE

TO UNDERSTANDING

TO EXPRESSION

.

Oh … I am so good at all of this …

Don’t you think?

The love and the passion and the shining and the boldness?

.

NO

.

NO

.

NO

.

You are too big

You are too dramatic

You give people whiplash

You are so vigorous

Your art is so dark

Your beauty makes women hate you

The men only want to f*** you

Nobody takes you seriously big boob blondie

Your expressions are not your own — they are mine

Your love is not what I want

Your passion is overwhelming

Your brain is too inventive

You don’t belong anywhere

.

Oh

My

God

.

That is my Underworld.

And there is a version that is yours

The one we create

And self-perpetrate

Each time we listen

To the Plutonic voices

And burn our Soul alive

To the tune of

A mob mentality

Of soulsucking sameness

.

Because

.

We are all mirrors.

We all reflect

Our unacknowledged darkness

Back and forth

Like holographic hellfire

.

Until we choose

The heavenly realm of

OUR

OWN

HELL YES

.

That’s when the devil

Evaporates

Inside and out

And we hear the angels sing.

And we see them

Everywhere we look

Because we have

Union Within

+

Soulf***ing Selfness

+

Self-realized Potential

That

Nobody

Can

Touch

With an unsoul-f***ed self

.

And our holy white hot fiery soul

Leads the way through

Fresh

Fields of flowers

Like

Persephone

Except

Without the earth

Ripping open

And the carriage of Hades

Abducting us and

Ripping our pure life force to shreds

In a stark raving mad cacophony

.

But

.

We cannot truly know

The inherent freedom of Soul

Without knowing

The bondage of our unconscious

Ricocheting like Luciferian bullets

Back and forth

From barren soul

To barren soul.

.

It is all inside.

.

A one-woman (one-man) show.

.

We abduct ourselves

+

We set ourselves free

.

And I get it now.

.

And the devils aren’t welcome here anymore.

.

Are you letting your devils own you?

Dominate you?

Destroy you?

So that you, in your unconscious allowance, regurgitate an unsoulf***ed hell?

.

***(I really could have just said: the only real Devil is the one we have inside. But all these words wanted to gush out of my bigness … and I said HELL YES.)

Erin Faith Allen

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