How I’m Dealing With President Elect Trump — 2 Days In

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I know I’m far from alone in feeling that way.

I’ve heard the pain described as physical rather than cerebral, and that resonates with me. Like a terrible breakup. How did this happen? Why is the world so unfair? Will the pain ever go away? Could I have done something differently? Did I misunderstand this relationship all along? You know, breakup questions.

I allowed myself a full day of wallowing. Of just really going for it with the crying and worrying and reading everything the NYTimes published, anything that piqued my interest on social, staring out at the rain — even the weather knew — that kind of stuff. But I resolved to pick myself up and come up with an evolving plan as of today.

Also, for a full picture, I’m starting week 4 of 12 of maternity leave. Between the elation of a new healthy child and the devastation of the world she is all the sudden entering, emotions are abundant, in range and quantity.

I’m writing about and sharing my Trump plan for two reasons. First, to organize my thoughts (writing) and second, to hold myself accountable (sharing). I’m not sure this makes for great reading but I’m a bit rusty and need the practice so here goes:

Phase I: Short-term and ongoing easily doable productive steps to stand up for what I and MOST Americans believe in.

1. I’m making a small list or organizations I think best represent the causes most at risk in a Trump presidency and setting up recurring monthly donations to them. Hat tip to Tim M for that recommendation. So far I have Planned Parenthood and Mother Jones on the list. Planning to add at least a few more. There are so many to choose from it’s mind boggling. Here’s one list.
2. I’m resolving to do something every day (as part of or separate from recurring donations) to engage with counteracting the most likely and troubling aspects of a Trump presidency and Republican takeover of every branch of government. I’ve been inspired by all the commitments to engage I’ve been seeing on Facebook and Twitter and personally I want to commit to keeping that momentum going, otherwise it won’t be worth much of a damn. Frequency more important than impact here.
3. Be the kind of person and example I want for my kids. Not like I didn’t want to, you know, do this anyway, and not like my near-four-year-old or 3-week-old were getting all their cues from Barack Obama previously, but who knows what will transpire the next four years. I think we’re all hoping something very different and a lot better than what Trump’s campaign would foreshadow (though let’s not be naive people, we have to assume he will at least try to do everything he campaigned on, even though he’s a demonstrated liar on a whole other level), but it’s up to all of us to double down on treating each other with kindness, seeking first to understand, getting engaged, sticking up for others, all that shit. I want to make Hillary and my girls proud. That’s what being a “10” is. God, Trump, really? We (and by we I mean not me) really elected Donal Fucking Trump?! Haven’t quite gotten through the denial stage yet.
4. Practice self-care. You can only think about Donald Trump and what he will or won’t or has or has not said or done so much without going to a pretty dark place. So, I want to read enough to stay informed, but focus on my proactive plan of attack vs dwelling on the negative. This means carving out time each day for exercise, healthy eating (things I generally do anyway) but adding more mindfulness, meditation, gratitude journaling, volunteering, things like that that make you feel good and clear headed and connected to the mix.

I have to say just making it this far is doing a lot for my spirit. I’m still truly devastated and terrified, but those feelings alone don’t do anyone a helluva a lot of good do they?

The weight of this shock… I’ve always been quite politically minded, aware, never shied away from sharing my views in person, online, etc, but much more is called for.

I, like many I’m reading from, had the initial impulse to get the fuck out of Dodge (Canada (don’t want us)? New Zealand (maybe)?), but then quickly pivoted to reality and a sense of moral obligation to fight for the America I and I truly believe most Americans believe in.

So then I think of moving in another direction, going more into the eye of the storm, moving to a swing state, getting out of the bubble. Not sure this is something we would do, but we’ve talked about it. More on this in another post.

Phase II: Decide on a cause and go for it all in

I’m going to give this some thought in the coming weeks and of course it can change over time, but my thinking here is to automate some giving to a variety of causes I care about so as not to worry about everything all the time and then focus on one thing in particular in a more sustained and high effort way. Top ideas right now are fighting poverty (and the forces that drive poverty like lack of education and employment), fighting for women’s rights (especially reproductive), fighting for one of the underlying legal/electoral issues that makes our democracy not really a democracy and in part allowed Donald Trump to win (electoral college, Citizens United, gerrymandering, etc), fighting for freedom of the press, because, Hitler, because our government is controlled by republicans and alt-right whack jobs now and we need the fourth estate more than ever and Trump HATES it and will try to kill it…

Another thing that’s been making me feel better is how consequential everything feels all of the sudden. Unfortunately the consequences of this election have the potential to be quite dire, but the fact of that is quite motivating to take seriously the need to counteract that potential with everything I’m writing about here, and so many others are too.

My life is pretty charmed, really. (Is that why the Trumpists hate me? Do they hate me? Am I a liberal elite? Is that offensive? Do we deserve Trump for daring to care about the planet (which hosts all human life btw) and have ideas and read and care about art and other people and liberty and stuff? Does that sound condescending? Do I care? I’m not running for office or trying to convince anyone of anything here). And part of that charmed life is complacency I guess. Sure, I gave Hillary some money. I voted for her. I shared links about how great she is in my echo chamber. But I also spend plenty of time watching WHATEVER on TV and mindlessly pouring over the Sephora website for WHATEVER is new. Sure we all need our escapes, but escape from what in my charmed life? I’m gonna dive into this topic more in a future post. I’m personally very motivated by the idea of a Trump presidency turning me into a better, less idle, more connected (like IRL not just digitally) person. Take that Trump.

Phase III: Seek to better understand and engage with Trump voters

Growing up in rural Appalachian Ohio, I certainly know SOMETHING about these folks, but everything I’m seeing and reading is so full of contradiction — it’s difficult to understand the Trump voter, obviously that’s not a monolithic thing. Reading their posts on social media isn’t the right plan, it just makes me angry and doesn’t create any kind of possibility for dialogue. I (and I think we) need to actually talk to these people (some of whom are in my extended family no doubt — sure will be an interesting Christmas to say the least) like IRL. There’s also plenty to read and will no doubt be lots more based on journalists actually talking to these people, not just conjecture.

I expect some % of them really are part of a basket of deplorables (stupid thing for H to say but doesn’t mean it’s not true and again, I’m not running for office), and those who aren’t did something deplorable by voting for someone so deplorable. But the point isn’t to try to like them (all) or even necessarily to find common ground (though both of those things would be nice). The point is simply to understand. From there, we’ll see.

At this point my head goes to: have these people ever tried to understand me? Did they try to understand the implications of their vote? What exactly do they try to understand? But this is when they go low we go high moment right? So, this is about doing what’s right, not about tit for tat.

That’s what I have for now. How I’m coping. It’s a process. But today is better than yesterday. Some days will be worse, some will be better. We owe it to our country, our families, and especially the most vulnerable in this new world order to do what we can to fight the terrible values and policies proposed by Trump. I know many probably wish they had done more to defeat Trump already — I do. It’s not too late to limit the damage, build each other up, and maybe even make a few things, like our character and immediate communities, a little better off than we found them a few days ago. All hope is not lost. Stay steadfast comrades. Let’s hold each other accountable and be kind.