Traditions for the Untraditional: A Modern Guide to Wedding Planning
While it may not be ‘THE perfect day’ it is your day, and your choice to participate or exclude whatever traditions and expectations are fitting for you and your partner. All your wedding day has to be is a declaration of you and your partner’s love; however you choose to celebrate that is valid and exciting.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been dreaming of your perfect wedding day since you were little. No matter your relationship status, you have a secret Pinterest board full of color schemes and wedding favors for your tasteful 120 guests. Every now and then, your mind drifts to all the little details of that “perfect day”: the dress white and expensive like Kate Hudson’s in Bride Wars, the groom romantic and involved like Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer, and the wedding party huge and overbearing like Nia Vardalos’s in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. As a little girl, guy, or they, you played wedding day with Bride Barbie, arguing with your friends about who gets to be the bride and who has to hold the Polly Pockets that follow behind (always a bridesmaid, am I right?).
Well… surprise. If this sounds even a little like you, that’s not an accident. The wedding industry as we know today relies on your young knowledge of “the perfect day” to sell you the idea of a big white wedding, complete with every flower, plate, and bridesmaid gift it just HAS to include. Media depicts this idea and sells it to young girls to ensure that when the big day comes, there is as much pressure as possible on you; because who can put a price on the most important day of your life? Then come the traditions passed down for centuries and generations that you account for in your timeline, make sure you adorn your baby blue garter so your partner can fling it across a room full of your loved ones (gross). And where do these traditions even come from? The deeper you dive, the worse you’ll feel. With every detail you pin to your board, also comes an avalanche of dollar signs, fad diets, family drama, and the overwhelming worry that, well… it won’t be perfect.
Fortunately, this is the 21st century, and many brides-and-grooms-to-be are breaking down the outdated traditions and misogynistic implications that come with planning your wedding. Because someone finally needs to sit down with grandma and explain that you aren’t going to get married at her church, and your mother-in-law does not get to invite 20 of her besties from high school. (That sounds made up, but my MIL really did try it.) Modern brides and grooms are sitting down and prioritizing their life, and where a wedding fits into their style, if it does at all! One of these couples is Erin Metz & Maxwell Duncan, whose podcast Something Blue: Wedding Planning With a 21st Century Bride and Groom is a deep dive into the roots of wedding traditions, a navigation through wedding trends, while planning their own wedding.
“Most couples already have conjoined lives by the time marriage is on the table,” Metz discusses. “Gone are the days of dowries and chastity belts. Couples are living together, learning about one another, and slowing down to make the best decision they can. These decisions change the core of most traditions. I mean, I already have pots and pans, I don’t need a crate and barrel registry. I am spending money on my hair and makeup, I don’t want to cover it with a veil. I’ve already seen his penis, so wearing pure white is simply a fashion choice. While it may not be ‘THE perfect day’ it is your day, and your choice to participate or exclude whatever traditions and expectations are fitting for you and your partner. All your wedding day has to be is a declaration of you and your partner’s love; however you choose to celebrate that is valid and exciting.”
When wedding planning, it’s going to be up to you and your partner to identify your priorities, draw your boundaries, and stick to them.
The Metz-Duncans discuss all sorts of trends and traditions, always reminding that it is not your responsibility to worry about how others might react to your choices. “You getting married doesn’t mean every person you have ever met is entitled to an invite, nor does it mean you have to consider every member of your family’s feelings,” Duncan says. “Those you choose to surround yourself with during wedding planning should have the best interests of the bride and groom at heart, with no other motives. This might mean keeping your attention-seeking sister out of the wedding party, or not having one at all!” Metz agrees, adding, “And no one can make a big deal about it, because it’s not THEIR day. Most people don’t understand that, unfortunately. When wedding planning, it’s going to be up to you and your partner to identify your priorities, draw your boundaries, and stick to them.”
They recently celebrated their wedding day, after two COVID related postponements and quite a bit of reworking their wedding day visions. What they once envisioned as an event with almost 200 people in a huge warehouse became an intimate celebration at The Los Angeles Athletic Club, complete with ceremony on a rooftop, cocktails in a working speakeasy, and dancing in a gorgeous hotel ballroom. “We focused on our 4 priorities when planning, and decided nothing else mattered. We wanted to eat good food, listen to good music, enjoy the company of good people, and look good in the photos. This translated to a focus on catering, entertainment, an intimate guest list, and an investment in attire and photography. Everything else was a non-issue at the end of the day. And we could spend our time and money focusing on the quality of the things we prioritized. It’s a really helpful system and removes some guilt when spending, inviting, and enjoying your planning process.” Serving up classics like mini sliders and soup shooters and dancing the night away to oldies but goodies, The Metz-Duncans celebrated their love and commitment the way they wanted, without guilt or regret.
Duncan gives props to his bride, and their podcast research, for the execution of their imperfect perfect day. “We got lucky because Erin is such a visionary and found an incredible venue willing to collaborate with us and make our vision come to life. Our year of podcasting and researching came in handy plenty during that whole process.” And at the end of the day, their intimate celebration of love was filled to the brim with fun, support, and love. It didn’t look exactly the way their Pinterest board did, but it was perfect, because it was a representation of their love.
The Metz-Duncans present factual research about these traditions and discuss their thoughts and opinions about whether or not to include them in their wedding. But, they always remind you at the end of the day, “You do you, bitch!”
Their wedding forgone outdated traditions and expensive trends, all of which are researched and discussed within their podcast series. When asked what some of their favorite findings on outdated traditions or origins are, Metz laughed. “My favorite has to be the fact that almost every traditional quirky wedding characteristic can be traced back to someone being afraid of evil spirits. The veil, the bouquet, the bridesmaids dresses, the rice… all to ward off or confuse evil spirits.” Duncan chuckles, adding, “And if it’s not spirits, it’s fertility. No ghosts, but lots of babies, please.” Each episode they identify different wedding tradition origins, laugh about their roots, and discover the inherit problems within them. But having this information doesn’t mean you can’t still do them! The Metz-Duncans present factual research about these traditions and discuss their thoughts and opinions about whether or not to include them in their wedding. But, they always remind you at the end of the day, “You do you, bitch!”
All episodes of their podcast leading up to their own wedding day are out now wherever you listen to podcasts. While their wedding podcast journey has concluded, their artistic journey continues as they navigate through the next phases of life, so keep your eye on them!
