What to do when you forgot that you are always enough

Do you sometimes feel you are just not good enough when you read all the well-meant advice and information that is available on the internet? Social media can bombard you with positive quotes, and blogs about how to be mentally strong, happy, positive, successful, healthy, better, stronger, or make more money faster.

Then there is all the information in the news and social media about all the things that can make you sick, broke, kill you, and the proof that the world and humanity are close to the end, and it’s all our fault. It can suck the life right out of you. No wonder so many people shut down and put their heads in the sand. Unfortunately many also give their power away and give up the effort to look after themselves, as they don’t see the point. The excuse I am hearing much too often is: “well, I’m gonna have to die of something, might as well do and eat whatever I want”. That puts all of our health at risk. Because as long as we keep accepting poor quality ‘food’, we keep believing that more drugs are needed to manage disease, we keep believing what we are told by the media, and act out of fear, we continue to give our power away, and fail to see that there is a way to health and happiness.

This is not a negative post, I am not disapproving of all the well intended positive information out there at all. I am merely reminding myself and everyone else to be gentle, kind, and compassionate with each other and ourselves, and always keep an open mind. Human connection is one of the foundations of health and happiness. Making an effort to connect with another human being is what counts. Put down your digital devices and make eye contact, show compassion and heal the wounds of the world.
The fact is in our search and struggle to feel better, what we want in order to feel better is on one side of the coin, but on the other side of the same coin is the lack of it. When we feel the pain from ‘lack of’ more than the ‘desire for’ that what makes us feel better, we have a hard time.
Take love for example. We cannot fully open up to love without accepting the risk of getting hurt. When we focus on the pain of the loss of love, we hurt, but the pain is a reminder of the love that can give us so much joy. Focusing on the experience of joy makes us feel the love more than the pain.
This is for those who are having a hard time, and those who are wanting to help.
Please, keep reading.

Too much of a good thing

I have had it with the overload of information, bombarding me with opinions, rights and wrongs, dos and do not’s. I have had it with all the webinars, the courses, all the promises of: “How To Manifest your health, your wealth, your success, and happiness.” As if I am not enough right now.

Do you worry that you may miss out on your chance to health, happiness, and personal growth if you don’t pay attention to all this obviously well-intended information? Are you worried that if you don’t read about the 6 or 10 mistakes people make that keep them from achieving their goals, that you are going to be one of the fools making those mistakes? Or do you feel you are failing at all the things you need to be or do in order to be considered strong and successful in life?

Don’t worry, you don’t need to be or do anything at all, other than being yourself and doing what you believe is right for you. There is nothing wrong with you. What is happening is when you feel emotions that are in a low vibration, such as despair, anxiety, pain, grief, or anger, you cannot simply start feeling higher vibration emotions, such as joy, love, gratitude, or even hope. The energies repel each other, so you feel resistance, frustration and reject the possibility of feeling good, no matter how well meant the advice is. When you are in a state of joy, however, it is easy to feel energized and inspired by positive and uplifting advice.

You are enough

A while ago I noticed how all the information I was submerging myself in was suddenly coming across like lecturing and somehow it was capable of making me feel not so good. I realize it was my own emotional state that made me perceive it this way, but still.

When pain feels overwhelming to you, ‘advice’ can sting and provoke anger and resistance. It made me stop dead in my tracks with my own well-intended attempt to inspire. All this well-intended information has the potential to make a person feel like a failure under certain circumstances. I can imagine the same thoughts I had could cross other people’s minds too: “Obviously, it’s all my own fault when I don’t succeed because I am responsible for my life, my reality, and for how I feel. Happiness is a choice, and if I do everything right, I will succeed. So what am I doing wrong?”

Do we really need to be ‘fixed’ in every aspect of our lives when we are not happy enough, not healthy enough, not confident or successful enough, don’t have a passion or purpose, or if we experience deep pain over a loss and uncertainty in our lives? Is there really something wrong with us, when we hurt and need to slow down, if we lay down our sword, put our superhero suit away, and just surrender to life’s challenges when life feels like it is just too much?

You are enough

Off course not! There is nothing wrong with any of us! It is a part of life, this contrast called ‘Pain’. When we can accept pain as something that is inevitable, instead of fighting it, and resisting it, we can instantly feel relief from some of the suffering. What we need when we are in pain is not a lecture or advice on how it can be fixed. We just need another human being that can be there with us when we are in pain without judgment or advice.

The problem is there is so much judgment, stigma, shaming and misunderstanding in our society, that we feel the need to hide any kind of pain and just get over it. Especially when it comes to grief, depression or other mental health issues, addictions, chronic pain, and disease.

How can being so connected can make you feel so disconnected.

There is so much information available at our fingertips through the internet these days. So many experts all know what’s best, what to do or not to do when you are one of those people in pain. In fact, we are bombarded with information and opinions that can painfully remind us of how we are not healthy, productive, meaningful, successful, or positive enough or not doing enough about it. It’s ironic that being so connected can make you feel so disconnected!

A compassionate connection can be the bridge between despair and hope

The only connection that truly matters is a real connection between human beings, or even with a pet! Compassion is unconditional, otherwise, it is not really compassion, but pity. That connection can be the bridge between the low vibration emotions and hope and higher vibration emotions.

So connected and yet so disconnected

Emotions are energy in motion. They are experiences, not symptoms.

All I know is love and compassion trump everything, always. Even when I know someone acts hatefully, I need to see beyond that. All I know is that I need to stop trying to fix things and start accepting and letting go of things instead. When I let go, I can generate positive feelings, and I can restore my belief in myself.

When I fall off my little cloud of certainty and safety, into a seemingly deep dark hole, that is when I realize how small we are. But small does not mean powerless. We are all small, but we are very powerful and we are all connected. Together we form a huge powerful wireless network, that is connected to a higher intelligence if we allow this intelligence to flow to us. I recommend watching Harvard Professor Shawn Achor, (Link: “The Life-Altering Power of a Positive Mind”), a happiness researcher. He talks about his research findings and how science is disproving some of our current beliefs, including the one where we believe we are a victim of our genes (Dr. Bruce Lipton has done the ground work with his research on epigenetics.)

In this talk, Dr. Shawn Achor demonstrates an experiment and explains how mirror neurons in our brain are activated when they detect emotions in our fellow human beings. Our brains respond before we are consciously aware, which means we unconsciously start behaving differently. The key is, we can use this consciously in our favor and spread joy and happiness instead of worry and anxiety.

“Happiness is the joy you feel moving towards your potential, even when life is not pleasurable” -Shawn Achor

I see pain as a wormhole to love; looking deep into the pain is the way to love and peace. When we can be with our pain it can guide us to our true essence. To me, that is the ultimate, unconditional, self-love. Then appreciation for life is possible again, and joy re-emerges, even in the presence of deep sadness and grief. Relief from pain by turning away from pain is forced, it’s not real, it’s temporary relief, and it is a rejection of that part of ourselves.

Relief comes when you stop resisting. Allowing space for this is so important. Feeling connected happens when we can allow ourselves to feel broken and we are allowed by others to feel broken. Love is allowing for someone else to feel broken and be right there with them, without trying to fix them and trying to take away the pain. We can influence another just by being there with compassion through this wireless connection.

Loss, pain, grief and struggle with all the emotions that come with it are not fixable because they are experiences to be experienced, not symptoms that need to be ‘fixed’. Emotions are energy in motion. A compassionate connection is what makes positive change possible. A compassionate connection with our self is needed first. We cannot accept compassion from another if we don’t give it to our self first.

How to deal with pain when you feel overwhelmed

1. You don’t have to know the answers right this minute. You don’t need anybody else to fix you. The good news is there is nothing to be fixed. You are where you are, and that’s a good place to start. Accept yourself and where you are right now.

2. Start by being present, and stay with your feelings, whatever they are. Keep you heart and mind open. Don’t measure or compare yourself to where you think you should be, or where others think you should be. Just breathe and be present.

3. Remind yourself that you are whole and powerful. Don’t let your conditions or other people’s opinions dis-empower you. Question all that does not feel right for you. Pain is giving you direction. Always move into the direction to that what gives you relief. Find the things that soothe you, and you will start to feel better. Remember that the lack of how you want to feel is on that same coin as the better feeling you are looking for!

Watching this video may help you feel better: How to get good at feeling good

4. Keep asking yourself the question: ‘what feels better’, and listen within for the answers. Always keep moving into a direction that feels soothing. This means away from fear, towards comfort and relief. This means away from struggle, and towards more ease. This means away from judgment, towards self-love, compassion and acceptance. This means choosing the easy path, not the path of struggle, which is what we have been programmed to do. Life is not supposed to be this hard, it is supposed to be an exciting, joyful experience. In spite of all the hardship, yes.

5. Stop watching the news, and stop reading all the social media. At least for a while.

6. Start listening to uplifting music, read inspiring books, and go out in nature every day. Just a 10-minute walk, breathing fresh air deeply into your lungs will change how you feel. Make this your new morning routine. The key is repetition.

7. Make time to play, with your pet, kids, friends, or family. Drop the drama, the work, the digital devices, and engage in some good old-fashioned play time.

You are enough

You already are on your path, you will find the right people and the right way for you. You have all the answers within. You just have to keep asking yourself the right questions.

Start with: “How do I want to feel?” Then ask: “What is one thing I can think about or do to feel that way now?”

Love and peace to all.

Erna


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