Transitional Identity Crisis: How to Navigate Life's Changes
Have you ever found yourself struggling to define who you are after going through a significant life change? Whether it's a new job, moving to a new country, clocking a new age, ending a relationship, or any other significant life transition, it is not uncommon to feel lost and in desperate need of redefining your identity after a major change.
At the beginning of 2022, I found myself in this position. I moved to Germany, and it felt like someone had hit the reset button on my life. Until then, everything about my life, social environment, and career had been a familiar territory that I routinely navigated. I had worked on projects in my home country of Nigeria for years with people who already knew my value and respected me for it. But now, I had to re-establish my identity from the ground up! This experience made me realize how badly change can mess with our heads if we don't learn to expect it, prepare where possible, and adapt to transitions quickly.
In this article, I will talk about the overarching factor I believe causes transitional identity crises for many people and offer three strategies that have helped me navigate such challenging moments.
So what's the most significant cause of transitional identity crises?
In my experience, I have found that the primary culprit of a transitional identity crisis is a mental experience—it is our mental perception of the uncomfortable difference between our past and present realities and how we believe it would affect our ability to function in the future. Here are two ways this is manifested in practice:
- Losing Our Sense of Purpose
Moving from familiar to unfamiliar contexts can affect our sense of purpose and fulfillment. We may feel valueless and directionless and struggle to redefine our new identity after leaving a place or people we have grown accustomed to. The feeling can be intensified if re-establishing worth, finding relationship replacements, or gaining credibility proves difficult in the new environment. Let's face it! Not feeling needed is an uncomfortable feeling! This realization of how dependent our lives have been on the validation and familiarity of our former experiences can cause a tremendous sense of loss that, if unchecked, leaves us incapacitated and unmotivated.
- Losing Self-Confidence
Losing self-confidence can happen to anyone, even those who have always been confident and sure of themselves. It's a feeling of doubt and uncertainty about one's abilities, traits, and overall self-worth. It often occurs when unexpected events happen, like failing at a skill we had built a reputation around or making a mistake we never thought we would make. In these situations, it's easy to start questioning ourselves and our abilities, which can lead to an identity crisis. Being unable to say, "I know myself confidently and trust my skills," is uncomfortable.
Simply put, an identity crisis is an uncomfortable state of feeling lost and uncertain about who we were, who we are, and/or who we will be in the future.
It is a difficult situation to be in, and it can be worsened by being surrounded by people who cannot affirm us based on our past or present potential. So how do we deal with a transitional identity crisis? Here are three things that have helped me:
- Stay connected to a community that knows and celebrates your victories.
In times when we face an identity crisis, being surrounded by people who know our strengths and capabilities may help us adapt better. These people can help to motivate and remind us of our worth and potential when life and other people temporarily cause us to question them. It's easy to forget our wins and allow negative experiences to overshadow them when difficult situations arise. But having individuals who help put our successes in perspective and offer unbiased advice can be a great source of strength and motivation for overcoming these moments. However, it's important to choose the right people to seek self-evaluation from; empathetic individuals who see our potential and not just our surface traits are the best kind of people to have around during an identity crisis.
- Become your own motivation.
Like it or not, there will always be times when we need to motivate ourselves and call ourselves back to order. In such moments, being able to take responsibility for our own lives, growth, and personal development is important. We cannot always rely on others to see our potential and motivate us. We must be willing to motivate ourselves, even when things seem challenging. Complaining and sulking never achieve anything, and they waste time. Know this: What you're going through is not abnormal! It's a normal feeling that even the greatest have experienced. The difference between failure and success depends on how you react to it.
- Treat failures as learning opportunities.
Real failure occurs when we allow change or failure points to undermine our present capabilities rather than treating them as learning opportunities. Every failure is a chance to learn something new about ourselves, our abilities, and our potential. We must take every opportunity to learn from our mistakes to grow and become better versions of ourselves.
In a nutshell, losing self-confidence and going through an identity crisis is not unusual; your feelings are valid. When it does happen, as much as you can, stay connected to people who celebrate your victories, be intentional about becoming your own motivation, and learn to treat failures as learning opportunities. Doing these three things will help you navigate difficult transition moments and emerge stronger and more confident.
