In Praise of Laziness, Masturbation & Getting Lost

Gerda Wegener

Get stuck holding the door knob, immobilized by nothing

you don’t need to go in there

if you do, a door frame is kinda nice

even if you’re not in an earthquake zone

remember that kiss from long ago

the one you wish had defined you forever

you haven’t cum enough to do it justice, try again, I’m telling you your pussy has been holding a grudge…

think inappropriate thoughts as much as you can in public

it’s like erotic wifi, it’ll boost everyone around you

taunt your beloved by masturbating in front of them when they’re late for work

what’s the worst that could happen?*

whenever you encounter nihilism introduce hedonism extra hard

if they’re not in the mood bend over and moan and tell them to finger your ass now! Quickly!

Have sex for laughs.

See how many times you can cum in a day and reward yourself for it. Frozen Yogurt again? What’s the special occasion? Watch the cashier’s response carefully as you tell them the truth. There’s a novel in there.

Tell yourself your body is actually the perfect body to have.

Believe it a little too much.

Investigate a new kink and make up a fake memory that fools your mind into believing this is something you’d be into-$

start writing erotica


*don’t blame me if this doesn’t go well.

-$ Nor this.